A
male
 ,
*D
writes:Hello everybody,I(39) met a lady(Denise,27) about 2 weeks ago. I hired her for for a part time position in a small business I own.During the first week, she shows great enthusiasm and seems very diligent in her work. She also seems like a very nice person. At the end of the first week, I invite her out to coffee(on a Saturday afternoon) and we talk about how work wen during her first week. As we were talking, it seems as if she is telling me she has a lot of free time, and I get this feeling that she is attracted to me(as I am to her).We also seemed to have a similar outlook on life, and it came across that we both are interested in a starting a family. Of course, I understood the difficulties of our position(due to work), but I believe that you need to take risks in life.Last Friday(at the end of her second week), I proposed we go out for dinner on Saturday.Her rely was thoroughly positive and she was all smiles and we went out last night.I picked her up at 9:30 and the first thing I realized was that she was casually dressed. I was dressed a bit more formally as it was a Saturday night dinner date (and a first date at that). We go to a Chinese restaurant and the she is friendly and talkative. We talk about our families, and our past. At some point, I mention that I broke up a little over a year ago, and I expected her to tell me about her relationship status as well.But she says nothing.We then talk about future plans, and she says that she hopes to be married in 3-5 years time.Anyway, I suggest we go get dessert after dinner at a nice patisserie close by, and she agrees. However, a few minutes later, she cell phone rings and she receives an SMS.She says it is her friend, Miriam, and she then explains that she has priest who provides her with spiritual guidance and that she would be visiting him in the morning with Miriam(and that she would be staying with Miriam that night).The minute I heard about priests, and staying over at friends, I started to smell a rat(big time!).As we were leaving, she asks if we could cancel going for dessert as she doesn’t want to wake Miriam up too late. I say Ok but was definitely angry.On the way home, I talk about relationships and she shocks me by saying that she was “engaged until about a month ago”. She says that she and her fiancé had bought an apartment together and that she didn’t want it end, but it did because their families(both hers and his) had made the situation difficult. She doesn’t offer other information and I don’t ask her.I do ask her what her situation is…is she free or is she still in a relationship with her ex-fiance?She says the relationship is over but they still have issues because they have bought the apartment together.I tell her that I was going to ask her out again, but that this changes things… I then ask straight out ”Should I ask you out again?” and she says it would be better if she proposed our next night out…My question.How do you judge her actions(going out with me) and how things went?Do I just ask her out again, wait for her or just forget it completely?Thanks for reading this long post
View related questions:
broke up, her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GD +, writes (20 October 2009):
GD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I'd like to thank all of you for the advice.
I understand that many people are against mixing business with pleasure and it is a logical course of action.
Then again, sometimes you have to take risks and follow your feelings.
I will let things lie with Denise.
If she gets back to me and wants to go out...fine
If she doesn't, then I will respect her wishes.
She certainly has a lot of issues if all she is asserting is true.
In fact, i would never have asked her out if I knew she had recently broken off her engagement.
Still, the cat is out of the bag and if Denise wants us to go out....I will.
Thanks everybody!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): perhaps you should not mix business with pleasure. you will get hurt in the end. too much of unanswered questions here. the whole finace thing, the apartment and who knows what else. this person is in no place to start another relationship right now. i think you are investing too much too soon in her. cut your losses before you get sucked in any more.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): perhaps you should not mix business with pleasure. you will get hurt in the end. too much of unanswered questions here. the whole finace thing, the apartment and who knows what else. this person is in no place to start another relationship right now. i think you are investing too much too soon in her. cut your losses before you get sucked in any more.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Hang on a sec. You are this girls boss and in only two weeks you have dated twice and are dissapointed she hasnt told you her whole life story yet. You may have a problem but i feel for this girl and i think you are abusing your position. Do you only hire women you fancy ? If you dump her does she get the sack also. Not only are you not aware of the power imbalance here but your worried you may get stung yourself. For christs sake its only been two weeks. Maybe you should have asked more questions in the interview. Like have you ever been possesed by demons. Then that would explain the priests. If you insisted on a medical you may find out about her medical sexual history.
...............................
|
