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*ayonaraSuperman
writes: Hello, I'm 21 and my g/f is 16. Here's my problem:We have both been a part of the same social group for months, with friends ranging all in between our respective ages. I had met her parents once before when we had a big group hang-out, way before we even liked each other as more than friends, and they seemed nice. Recently, about two months ago, we have developed very strong feelings for each other. We have spent like 10 hours talking on the phone on multiple occasions, and have a blast when we hang out, and the like. She talked to her mom about me, and her mom was alright with the idea. There is 5 years between her parents, and they got married when her mom was 17. So the mom advises her to talk to the dad, who goes ballistic, and flips out on her, and tells her absolutely not, and he will not even consider it, and will not meet me. The mom then backs him up. Multiple times, she has tried to skirt around the issue with the mom, and the mom has been receptive somewhat. Here's the thing: what do we do? We really gel like something I haven't felt before, and she's mature enough that age isn't the issue. She hates the idea of decieving her parents, but is willing to see me behind thier backs. I've told her we'll only go out with other friends, so it isn't a date, and we'll just hang out when we see each other otherwise, such as local basketball games and so forth. She is pretty happy mostly, but sometimes the situation gets to her, because she hates the idea that she can't be open about it with her parents for fear of retribution. What can we do? The dad isn't even receptive to the idea? I have offered to allow her to leave me multiple times if that was what would make things better, because I just want her to be happy. They said we could hang out if we were at the same place with all of our friends, so are we wrong to schedule these "Group-dates?" In just 6 months she will be 17, and at the age of consent, and the mother has indicated it will be fine then, and we know we will make it. Are we justified in wanting to spend the next 6 months together? Is there anything we can do to alleviate things? Please help. Reply to this Question
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reader, happytochat  +, writes (12 January 2006):
Hi there,
I can see how this must be very frustratiing situation you are in, but I commend you for sticking by this girl, despite her fathers bad reaction to his daughter and you as a couple. This is a pretty common situation, and what normally it takes to solve it is time. Time is a key factor, yet in that time you don't just have to sit aroudn and wait anxiously, you can take little steps to keep it moving forward.
First off, I think its great that you have offered to meet her parents, its shows that you are honest and haven't got anything to hide! Keep suggesting that. Maybe if the father won't meet you, then just meet the mother and sit down and talk to her and really try to get her to understand.
You could perhaps write a lettter to the father and state how you feel about this and that he really has no need to worry.
Somehow, I find it hard to believe that just because she will turn 17 and thats the legal age, that her dad will forget all about it. Do yo ureally think thats going to happen? just because the mother said ti? she seems to have no control over the situation.
The important thing to remember is that you aren't doing anything wrong or bad, I myself can see your intentions with this girl are well and its not like you are just using her for sex! So be proud that you are a great guy!
I think its really more an issue the girl has to deal with her parents as in comparision to you with the parents. She has to talk to them about it over and over again. I really suggest she talks about how they have 'raised her' and how they have broght her up to have a GOOD INSTINCT when it comes to people, so she can tell if they are bad news or not. Also for her to remind them that she is strong willed and has learnt from them how to say no to people. Her parents need to trust her, not you. If they can't trust there own daughter then who will they trust? They obviously lack the trust that she can stick up forherself and get out of danger if it comes near. She needs to show them that she can. Although I seriosulny doubt you would bring danger to her, but its something her parents need to knwo for reeassurance.
I say keep hanging out as a group and take into consideration as to what I have said. And get her to keep talking to her parents!Another idea, may be to get your parents to talk to hers?
Good luck, hope you get through it!
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