A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, My friend has been married to a complete control freak for some years now. She works for him from home and i find it difficult to see her sometimes as he makes it awkward for her. She cant drive so is dependant in lots of ways. Some months ago i started getting texts and phone calls in the middle of the night from a number i didn't recognise. Answerphone messages from a guy who was so drunk i couldn't understand a word. 3 or 4 in the morning the phone would ring over and over. It scared me as i'd just left an abusive relationship so i never ever answered the phone. Found out it was my friends husband. When i told him how it frightened me he told how much he fancied me etc. I told him where to get off and then he started bombarding me with texts begging me to talk to him and apologising. I kept the texts. I think my friend knows somethings up as shes behaving very strange. I dont know what he may have said to her. I never told her cos i didn't want her to be heartbroken and thought it would make him come to his senses and be a good husband after playing with fire like this. He's being awful to her at the moment. He begged me not to tell her but if she starts asking questions i'm afraid it'll be the end of our friendship and she'll stay with him anyway. Please help x
View related questions:
drunk, friend's husband, heartbroken, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, can i just add that doing things like spontaneous visits are out of the question cos hes always there at home with her. He controls evrything she does. Shes dependant on him financially so how can she leave him? My situation dictates that i cant offer her a place to stay. Shes always been an advocate of not throwing bombs in other peoples relationships and pointing out the cold truth, another reason i kept quiet. She would not only lose her home, but her job as well as her marriage. I felt unable to put her through it just because her husband was acting like a complete idiot at the time. I just thought i could sweep it under the carpet and forget about it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): I'm sorry but you have been in an abusive relationship so you know the signs and you know how it feels. So have I, and if I thought for one minute my friend was suffering I would be helping her because the one thing abused women do is retreat and retract from society and silence their feelings. As you have kept the text messages you have the evidence. You must tell her the truth - she can deal with it how she likes of course - but perhaps offer to pick her up and take her out for lunch spontaneously so her husband does not find out. Talk gently about his behaviour and then if she opens up tell her you have been very worried about a situation and the phone calls and then the texts. People betrayed me who turned away from my own suffering and chose to ignore it for their own convenience and yet later they said they "were not surprised" to hear my husband was an abusive type. You really owe it to your friend and your own experience to act on your instinct. Be sensitive and speak to her in a way you would want to be treated and things will work out. Offer her support and if she ever needs it a roof over her head - but ultimately as we both know its up to her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): I would tell her. This guy is a control freak yet hes wanting you now so looking for someone else?id show her the texts and tell her whats going on.maybe she`ll finally get away from this man.
...............................
A
female
reader, MIzzCC19 +, writes (20 July 2009):
 If the roles we reversed would you want you friend to tell you if it was your husband that was texting and ringing her? It isn't always easy choosing the right desicion. There have been many times in my life where I have had to make the desicion to tell some something at the risk of loosing a close friend but I figured that if it helped my friend then it was worth it.
Your friend might already know and waiting for confimation from something before being able to confront her husband about it.
...............................
|
