A
male
age
51-59,
*eshuas
writes:Ok, so here's my situation.I dated this girl for about a year and half. We had alot of great days together and also a lot of problems as well. Last January we bacame engaged. Soon after that our problems got worse. Our problems were mainly focused in two areas. Parenting and her availability. She has two older kids that don't like me and have made things a nightmare. This last September she broke up with me over in an arguement about what her kids were doing to our relationship. Her daughter that is the main problem is 19 and threatened leave her mom's home if she continues in our relationship.I would understand if her kids were little. But at 19?Sinse the break up we have continued to talk to each other everyday (Four times a day). I have even been invited back over to her house on a few occations for short periods of time.Her oldest son has moved out. So now it's just her daughter. Apparently, her daughter is not happy that I'm slowly coming back in the picture and she told her mom that the more I come around the less her mom will see of her.This is a rotten place for us to be in! We both love each other very much. But sheesh, the daughter is controlling our relationship.What do you think? Should I just wait this 19 year old out to win over the love of my life? Who knows how long that may take and who knows if this will continue to effect our relationship if say she moves out..I forgot to mention, I have never done anything or said anything wrong to either one of her kids.|I'm clueless as to why I'm not liked by them. Help!!
View related questions:
broke up, engaged, moved out, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): Thanks for your replies. I would like to clear up something.We do not sleep together. We both don't believe in sex before marriage and there isn't any issues with that. I will try once again and talk with her one on one.I appreciate your replies and you may be right about having to move on. :(Wish me luck!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 January 2013):
 This is a problem ONLY between the Mother and the daughter.
IF your G/F feels that she must kowtow to her kids (as the evidence suggests), then you have to reconcile yourself to being "second fiddle" in her life.... Incidentally, even if daughter DOES "more out" you can be pretty sure that she (daughter) will still - and always - interfere with you and your G/F UNTIL and UNLESS your G/F makes the necessary adjustments....
Good luck....
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): Thanks for the reply!
She was the one who broke up with me. I do admit that I was up set at the time and was really blunt as to what I was feeling at the time. The break up was just from frustration.
My ex does admit that her daughter isn't acting the way she should. I did tell my ex that there is nothing I can do. I really don't want to make things worse. I have done everything I can think of to do and say. I talked to her daughter a couple weeks ago one on one and told her how much I loved her mother and how important she is to me as well. I even asked that she please forgive me if I have said or done anything to offend her. She said I forgive you. But her behavior hasn't changed at all. She's in Junior Collage and was struggling to pay her tuition last semester. I payed off her balance to take the stress off of her and to show her that I'm a nice guy and that I do care even about her. She never said thank you and hasn't changed her behavior at all. I told my ex that the ball is in her court and what is going on isn't fair to either of us. She paused and replied, I think the balls in her daughters court, not hers. I'm dumb founded as to why she would say that. Who's the adult here? Mom or daughter?
I seriously don't want her to disown her daughter or anything like that. I would never even think such a thing.
You would think she would realize that her daughter being 19 isn't going to be around for too much longer. I on the other hand planned to spend the rest of my life with her.
She knows that she needs to stand up to her daughter. But I think she just too afraid of losing her. Ghaaa...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): "I'm clueless as to why I'm not liked by them."
Lacking info about your girlfriend's children's father, I can only assume their animosity is because you're not their father yet you're sleeping with their mother. They resent you for usurping their father's place in their mother's life, and by extension in their lives. It's not who you are, it's who you aren't.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): This is nuts. Her kids are behaving appallingly and are being brats. If they dislike you they can simply choose not to visit with you but they don't have to punish their poor mother.I think this is due to poor upbringing so the daughter feels entitled to have her way all the time. Maybe she was hoping her mom and dad would get back together hence she doesn't like any boyfriend of her mom's and its not you personally. Who knows. The thing is that the daughter is in the wrong.I think you should leave this up to your gf as to how she wants to handle her daughter. if she chooses her daughter over you that's sad but then it shows that a relationship wouldn't have worked out anyway. Let her feel her loss if she chooses her daughter's selfish wishes. Who initiated the break up, you or your gf? You shouldn't try to control your gf anymore than her daughter is. If she is so invested in placatong her beat daughter then she is not ready to be in any relationship as she is not autonomous.
...............................
|
