A
male
age
30-35,
*oviefan
writes:I have been in love with a girl at my school for my entire High School carrer and im in my last year and i was with her off and on this last year. Because she wont stay away from her user and abusive boyfriend who has never had a job and for the last half a year he broke up with her so he could screw around with the local whores 6 times. He constantly does drugs and my cousin almost ran him over outside of a Mcdonalds because he walked in front of his car when he was high or something.And now this last time he talked her into coming back to him she did it before Winter Formal(a dance) which i was looking forward to, and i went alone and i almost cried a few times. Her sister and a few of my friends comforted me and i did have some fun.She thinks she is in love with him and is sort of a weak person who gives into him because she is is in love with him and he takes advantage of this so he can get things from her, hell i and a another guy who liked her have recieved messages from him harrasing us on myspace saying shit like " i have the girl u want and im using her, and am not going to stop. Ill keep doing it" Not those exact words but similar and in more malicious ways. We both printed the messages out and gave them to her and she both times broke up with him for a couple weeks and he came back manipulating her. He has cheated on her at least four times that she knows, and has forced her to do things she doesnt want to, and when she fights he tries the next day except he uses alchol to get it. He has even drugged her food and drink before.But she keeps going back to him and each time hurting me in the proccess. The last time she did it i was so hurt if i tried to talk to her i got dizzy and would end up crying. And i left my stuff in my class and had to go back because my head was so messed up. I ran back in to the class and ran out after grabbing mystuff plowing throught a desk like it wieghed nothing sending it rolling over twice. Gos without saying that the teacher reported me to the counsler because of how i was acting, he saw me almost cry. And noticed i hadnt talked to her like normal.I broke down in the counslers office afterwards. And she just recently found out that she got pregnant with his child and is now 6 weeks pregnant and shortly before i finally had started talking to her again, it still hurts but i manage. I heard this and started to cry, and he had went off on her accusing her of cheating saying it wasnt his etc. And took off. She told me before she told her friends or family, even thought i had hurt her by ignoring her for a month because i was hurting so much. I told her that i would still be with her and stay with and be there for her when she needs me. I want to take care of her and help raise the kid and be there when she gives birth to help her. She thought it was really sweet and almost cried. But it wasnt enought and she stuck with him and he is acting somewhat mature but i have the feeling that he will end up hurting her agian. I feel like im not good enought to be loved by her. If be willing to take care of her child with another man doesnt prove that u love them nothing will.I feel like if i would of just told her how i fealt freshmen year i would of saved her all this pain. And she may have never ended up pregnent as she is now. And maybe i would of never had to go throught this and she would of never been used. This haunts me every moment of the day. I was to weak to say anything there and it took almost a 3 year period for me to finally build the nerve to say how i fealt. She was the first person i fealt this way for. I feel like it is my fault she is being used and my friends keep telling me it not its her fault but its still there in my head.Should i feel that this is my fault?Why does she keep going back to someone who treats her so badly even if she loves him.Any other advice that may help me would be appreciated. I need all i can get. I have been trying to move on but i cant unless i solve a few problems. I
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male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (23 December 2007):
Moviefan is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know she has emotional issues and low self value, it bugs me and ive tried to help her realize the mistakes she is making because she thinks she is worthless. Hasnt worked she says she knows she is making a mistake but her actions say otherwise so im going to go with what her actions are telling me. The last time she hurt me i told her to grow the fuck up and went off on her and ignored her to get back and because it made me upset to talk to her. She got really upset and said she hated me. But as soon as i started talking to her a little she seemed really happy even thought it was basic conversation. Nothing personal just things you would talk about if you just met someone.What i like about her is well everything except her low self asteam issues. I have the same intrests as her, we get along really well, i can really talk to her and she understands me and listens. I find her atractive physically to. She is not perfect by any means but some of her flaws a i find attractive. And im attracted to some things that i dont understand, i cant verbalize them. There just there.I just know that i cant continue doing what i have been doing. She continues to hurt me so im still not sure what to do. So i started doing what your saying and still am, i can tell she isnt sure if she really loves him now and if she is making a mistake, and she is trying to patch things up so we start back were we left off but i wont let her and it upsets her.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): Your trying to save this girl. You cant save her. She has emotional issues and being with her would be a tough relationship. She needs to grow up a little.
You should remain distanced from her and try to meet more healthy, interesting girls who dont base their lives on abusive boyfriends, or boys in general. Once she grows up and realizes how immature she and her druggy boyfriend are, she will remember you as being a great friend and come seek you out, at which point you start trying to develop romance.
Seriously, this girl is causing you too much stress for what its worth. She may seem perfect, but the fact that she is so OBSESSED AND NEEDY towards this loser guy indicates that she has some self-esteem problems, emotional issues etc, and you dont need to deal with that. Stand up for yourself and make this girl respect you. By constantly trying to save her she will lose respect for you because she sees someone who needs her. You dont need her, and she doesnt sound like someone you should want either.
What do you like about her ?
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