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female
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anonymous
writes: First off--i have been dating and trying to meet someone and also keeping busy but it still doesn't change my feelings for my ex.my ex and i were together for over 3 years and broke up over a year ago but noone did anything so wrong.. no cheating or anything.. just arguments over silly thingsi contacted him a year later leaving a v-mail in September and he called me back a few minutes later and i explained my regrets and he said he can't jump back into this which I understood. We can't rush back into being together. He also said there are financial things going on stressing him out and also how he feels closed off right now. He said we would exchange calls and then meet. We have been talking for a few months about twice a week He does seem like he isn't happy with the way things in his life are going (unless he is bs'ing me). He says with the mortgage he is paying for his mother's house he has negative income coming in and that he also might have to give up his apartment. He also said he thinks his job will be making rounds of layoffs and he would eventually be affected. I asked him do you want me to go away and he said he isn't ready to say ok don't talk to me anymore. And I asked so you don't even know if you want to see me in a few months? and he said well it would have to be within a few months or so and that he can't expect me to wait 5 years for a phone call and i told him no i can't do that. I also pointed out it seems like you are turning down the idea without even trying and he said what we have been doing now is trying but he just isn't ready right now. And he said he knows what will happen when we do see each other; it will just be more and more--whatever that means--becoming attached again?We had another conversation after that but the last time we spoke was mid january. I decided to reach out to him and after texting back and forth and we spoke later that night.And he basically said he didn't want to lead me on and that is why he started to avoid things.(which he always does when it comes to this stuff regarding emotions) He says right now he needs to get all this other stuff straightened out first and put things on hold and he can't give me what i want right now. He was nice on the phone and we spoke for over an hour. I did say i have regrets and asked was i a bad girlfriend to you? and he said you were a very good girlfriend to me..the things that you did were not that bad, its not like you were malicious towards me. I told him again i have alot of regrets with certain things i did. I did ask do you just want me to leave you alone and move on and maybe you are just sparing my feelings? and he said i don't want you to leave me alone but he figured if he avoided things for awhile maybe i would let go. He said he likes knowing i'm there and that i want to be there but it also isn't fair to me in that position and to just be sitting around. I told him i'm not sitting around but i would rather be with you than someone else. So i asked so you want me to go move on and be with someone else then? And he says he doesn't really like it when I say it like that and that he just wants me to be happy and I said but i would be happy with you..and he said he doesnt know about that right now and he said you don't think that i don't think about you still and look at your pictures on my computer? I said do you think you could still have feelings for me and eventually want to see me again and he says i think so. But for right now he can only just offer friendship. He doesnt really know about the future. He says he is just breaking even with money. He doesn't go anywhere really or buy anything and is looking for side work. Towards the end of the convo he could tell i was getting a tiny bit upset..not in this extreme way but he could hear me sniffling. And he said he really doesn't like that and asked if i will be ok and i said i will have to be. I did say I have missed you for a long time but I guess i would eventually have to move on if things don't change.I tried getting as much direct info as i could and i said it makes me nervous because sometimes i think maybe you know for sure you don't ever want to see me again and you just don't want to the bad guy. And he said that isn't really right because if it was just about me and not wanting specifically me he would have been seeing someone already and its not about that. He said that he isn't going anywhere..i think he could hear i was a little upset and said again i'm definitely not going anywhere and we can talk soon..we can talk tomorrow, next week..whenever i want to talk. Should I leave the door open and keep talking to him but date like I have been doing in the meantime? i still care for him very much.
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broke up, money, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (24 March 2010):
Because you will not move on. Screw his Mum, screw his finace, it seems to me you would do anything to get him back?
Forget it! He is not worth it he is weaK and not worthy of you. I empathise that we often harbour feelins for those we cannot have because they do not want us?
Carry on feeding his ego, bin his e-mail address and his numbers. Go out tomorrow Ms and live your life not one that is a fairy story
There is a out there someone who wants you and will take you out of all this gloom and move you forward. let it all go!
I forbid you to continue this farce anymore!
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