A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy at work and started working quite closely with him about a month ago. He is a warm, friendly person and helps me out all the time at work. One time because I did something wrong at work, he had to wait for me to fix it for three hours so he ended up not having time to go out for lunch. He didn't complain at all. I felt guilty and bought some lunch for him. He really appreciated that I got lunch for him. He kept thanking me. A few days later, he was going out to lunch with others and happened to see me on the way out. He invited me to join them for lunch. He was such a gentleman and opened the car door for me. When we got to the restaurant, others got in and he was holding the door for me. He gave me a wink and I smiled back. We were having a good time at lunch. I gave him a hug at work before leaving for the long weekend. He was going to do the handshake and was a little surprised I went to hug him.A few days later, I went over to his office. When I was about to talk, he started teasing me about what my hands are doing (maybe they look nervous). I asked him why he's laughing. He didn't say but just kept laughing about it for no obvious reason. At the end of our conversation, he was teasing me about not to make the same mistake at work like last time in a playful way. He gave me another wink. I felt compelled to hit him in the arm in a playful way and he smiled back.He also gave me a wink a couple times at group meetings before when I arrived at the meetings. The lights are out during the meeting so others probably didn't notice.One day, he said I looked stressed out and I was joking with him that I looked better than him yesterday. He asked me later if I felt better and I said not after I got such a negative comment from him in the morning. He said strongly noted with a smile. Half hour later, we went to a group meeting. I sat down across from him. As soon as we saw each other, we couldn't stop giggling. We tried to stop giggling and then we caught each other's eyes again and started giggling again. Not sure if others noticed what we were doing. After the meeting, he told me in a soft voice that if he didn't laugh, he might cry. He told me that he would like to go to lunch but he didn't say going to lunch with me so I didn't respond to that. We never went out to lunch together with just the two of us.Problem started when one day he came over to my cubicle and told me I was messing with his heart in a low depressed voice. I asked him what he meant and immediately he did a high five with me and talked a little about work and then walked away. I asked him soon after and he said he was just messing with me. I got upset because i didn't find that funny and I thought by doing that he was really playing with my feelings.The next day we were in a group meeting. There were many seats available but he chose to sit right behind me. I was ignoring him at first but later on when I was watching another coworker giving a speech, I looked back and he gave me a wink and a smile. I ignored him and didn't smile back. During lunch time that day, I saw him outside and he was playfully bumping into another coworker but I don't think they're that close. And then he was brushing his arm against mine for a few seconds and then ran away. It was absolutely intentional because there was nothing blocking the two of us. He did touch me by accident before but this time is intentional for sure. Later that afternoon, he came by my cubicle asking me why I looked serious. He asked in a playful tone if it's my other coworker who made me mad and he'll beat him up for me. That made me smile and I told him he could beat himself up. He replied in a playful tone again that he didn't do anything. That day, I couldn't bear to keep it to myself so I texted him after work that what he said yesterday made me upset. He replied back he didn't know what he said that came across wrong. He apologized many times and said it must be a misunderstanding so I thought maybe that's really a misunderstanding on my part of what he said.The next day, he asked me again what he said that upsets me. I didn't want to tell him that I thought he said I was messing with his heart because i would sound really silly if he really didn't say that. The next day, he looked so down unlike his usual self. He was never like that before so I thought maybe it's me who made him upset. I made one of the biggest mistakes in my life and texted him that the reason I was upset was because I thought he was messing with my heart and told him I was silly to take him seriously and said sorry.After that, he behaved differently around me. He talked to me about work only. He still said hi to me and was still trying to be friendly to me but i can tell that he looked uncomfortable to be around me. I even asked him to not get mad at me for what I said. He said of course not in a very serious lookI'm really interested in him. My question is, is he just being friendly the whole time, or is he just flirting with me, or is he playing me, or is he really interested in me? Do you think now he knows i like him? Should i tell him i like him directly or is that going to make him avoid me even more? What should I do at this point to turn around this awkward situation? I mean if he doesn't like me, I would still like to be a friend to him.
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at work, co-worker, depressed, flirt, teasing, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2014): If he wasn't wearing his ring then he could have been trying to get exactly the kind of attention he got from you. People like attention because it feels good and because if they have a problem they feel they can get help.Some people want to have fun at work and stay professional. It's possible with some ground rules.My advice is if you want to keep playing it's fine...no touching, no being alone together, no going to lunch alone together. No telling each other how you feel about each other, no intimate talk, no personal texting, no personal calls. Keep work and life separate. Keep dating other people.Remember jobs are people's livelihood and they are friendly because it's their job and it's professional to be friendly. Also some people find it difficult to say no especially when they are trying to work well with others, which is why boundaries and ground rules are good.This sounds to me like a good working relationship. I would enjoy it innocently and keep it professional.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Thanks everyone for your opinions. I really appreciate it. I found out he's married... Then why was he flirting with me all this time? I still don't think he's a bad person. Maybe I took his flirting too seriously? I might be too old school. I only do this type of flirting with someone I like. Is this type of flirting that he did considered harmless to most people?I went with him and others in a group lunch today. We were sitting at the bar and he was sitting at the corner and didn't say much to the whole group, which is unusual. Funny thing is, he went to another table to talk to an old lady from our work for about 15 minutes. I guess that's a clear message that he's uncomfortable that I was there? On the other hand, he's still professional at work and is being polite to me so he's not completely ignoring me. I am so curious that i wanted to ask him why he was flirting with me but I'm afraid it might make this matter worse. Should I ask him the question or just let it go and act friendly like nothing happened? It kills me inside to see that he can pretend nothing happened. All this now becomes a nightmare to me...Out of curiosity, do men only flirt with women that they are attracted to or that didn't matter?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Thanks everyone for your opinions. I really appreciate it. I found out he's married... Then why was he flirting with me all this time? I still don't think he's a bad person. Maybe I took his flirting too seriously? I might be too old school. I only do this type of flirting with someone I like. Is this type of flirting that he did considered harmless to most people even when it's from a married man?I went with him and others in a group lunch today. We were sitting at the bar and he was sitting at the corner and didn't say much to the whole group, which is unusual. Funny thing is, he went to another table to talk to an old lady from our work for about 15 minutes. I guess that's a clear message that he's uncomfortable that I was there? But later on I was talking to him a little in the car, he was willing to talk to me, not like a yes/no type of answer.On the other hand, he's still professional at work and is being polite to me so he's not completely ignoring me. I am so curious that i wanted to ask him why he was flirting with me this whole time but I'm afraid it might make this matter worse. Should I ask him that question or just let it go and act friendly like nothing happened? It kills me inside to see that he can pretend nothing happened. All this now becomes a nightmare to me...Out of curiosity, do men only flirt with women that they are attracted to?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 July 2014):
 Is this guy married or single? A married guy who likes to flirt may have suddenly caught on that you like him 'that way' and he's decided to keep his distance.
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A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (30 July 2014):
 Yeah, he's flirting with you. But I would avoid the office romance. They never end well (Unless one of you ends up working someplace else).
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 July 2014):
 Workplace romances are a pain in the butt. If and when they turn sour you have to work with and see each other every day and it's miserable. Just be friendly and enjoy his friendship and do not try to take it any further.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 July 2014):
 He likes you. You, like me, are very serious and don't understand jokes well. He is trying to gauge your interest and he interpreted your response as you were not too interested. I would make the move and ask him out. You don't know if you like him yet, but you are curious to know what he's all about. He might be getting close to asking you out and a little passive because he is afraid of rejection. The flirting now can't go anywhere because action is needed. When he is holding back and avoiding you, it means he doesn't want to get hurt which also means he has some feelings for you. If he doesn't agree on a date then you can just conclude your involvement with him as silly bantering and nothing more. It could also mean he has issues and is not ready for a serious relationship. Sometimes men don't know women can be just as scared when it comes to dating.
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