A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have lived together for 3. I moved away from my hometown to live with him in a little village in the countryside. Up until last year we were in a terrible place, both miserable chronic weed addicts with no friends , jobs we hate and both at least ten stone overweight. We both decided to change last October and joined a slimming club. We have both have a long way too go but have succeeded in losing a combined total of 9.5 stone so far.Although We're both really proud of ourselves for getting healthier and enjoy going to the gym, we are still smoking pot every single night and use up an eighth in 2 nights, so we are spending About £240 on it a month. We are both fed up of the stoner life, but aren't sure how to stop as without it life seems constantly dull and time moves so slowly. We have tried to quit so many times and always fall off the wagon. We never have any money and never go out, neither of us has any friends, never go out on dates and only make love about once every 6-8 weeks as my boyfriend has erectile issues and is never in the mood. So we only do It when I get too frustrated and really push for it and tbh most of the time we're too high so I go to bed to my vibrator while he stays up playing his Xbox. I feel like even though we're healthier we're still stuck in the same place. When we aren't high we argue and are restless. I don't sleep, get very anxious and get headaches and he doesn't sleep either or get hungry and has night terrors. I just want to go back to the way I was before we met and I started smoking (he smoked for about ten years before we met) but I feel so drained and anxious and I have no interest in any of my old hobbies. I'm so lonely and I just want to know what I can do to get us Better, and also how Can I convince him to quit too as I can't do it alone. He is happy to smoke as he thinks its ok as hes lost nearly 4 st and he can do his hobbies alone (tinkering with his car, his xbox and building toy cars), but I was always very social at school etc (loved drama, photography and art) and feel useless at these now, as if years of getting high in front of Netflix has ruined me. Also lost touch with all but 2 of my friends at home and even arranging to see them is rare and I feel very awkward around them when we do meet up as I have nothing interesting to say.I just want to know how to feel better in myself so that I can quit smoking and start enjoying life again. Does anyone have any suggestions for a plan of action? I think just having some friends would do me the world of good but I have no idea how to make friends as an adult And everyone I work with is at least 30 yrs older so we don't have much in common. Eurgh this seems like a convoluted ramble but these are such personal issues that I dont really have anyone to talk to about them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2015): I too live in the middle of nowhere in a small village and I have noticed a trend of people living the kind of lifestyle you describe. There seems to be an attitude of the countryside is boring and there's nothing to do, so binge watch Netflix and smoke weed everyday. It can feel very mundane, but I have always been really into walking my dog, horse riding etc so I like it. Embrace the middle of nowhere! Totally agree with other aunts who suggested finding a hobby for yourself. Also I bet you have a local pub and everyone knows everyone there, this can be annoying- but my advice would be to get in there and get to know everyone. It feels a lot less isolating if you get to know the people in your village and be on friendly terms with them.You have already lost weight etc so you are someone who can make changes for yourself and you obviously do have some get up and go, So I'm sure you will be able to quit smoking. To be honest I think it will be easier for you if you can give up with your partner, only because I know of two couples where one gave up and the other didn't and after they got over the withdrawal phase and started to enjoy life again, they began to resent the other person who was still smoking and not up for going out or doing anything. One of the couples split up the other is still fed up with their partner. Good luck and stick with it!
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (5 May 2015):
 First of all be very proud of yourself. You are recognizing a problem and you are indicating that you want to do something about it. That takes strength.
You have the great and extensive resources of TalkToFrank in the UK.
Here are some links that can help, below.
They also have extensive resources to point you in the right direction to get help.
But you have to want to get the help and have the motivation to reach out for the help (which you are doing) and the motivation to stay in the program that will help you get over using drugs.
Get on going support started as soon as possible as there may be a waiting list to go on before you can actually be admitted to a drug treatment program - if you need that level of support.
Here are the links:
http://www.talktofrank.com/
http://www.talktofrank.com/need-support
TALK TO FRANK (these numbers apply to the United Kingdom)
LIVE CHAT (2PM - 6PM) EMAIL 82111 0300 123 6600
Oh that all countries could have resources as effective as Talk to Frank.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015): Hi thereHow about finding an art class near you, or a photography class? Something you enjoy? This may make you feel a bit more social, a bit more confident, a bit happier? This would give you a different focus. As soon as you enjoy one thing, one evening, talk to someone you like, you will start to feel so different. Things could then go on an upwards spiral instead of a downward one. You could then look into amateur dramatic groups. What a high that would give you! Being on the stage again, doing something you love! I am not clued up about addiction, although I did smoke cannabis for many years, but didn't miss it when I stopped. I didn't want to smoke anything any more, so gave up. So Very Confused seems to know about the addiction side of things. I just know that my mother got herself out of a significant depression just by walking every day. I know that when I go dancing, I'm the happiest I've ever been. Find something outside of this situation, outside of this relationship and away from the drugs that will make you naturally happy. Just getting outside to walk is a wonderful start. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 May 2015):
 If you want to quit smoking pot then you have to suffer the withdrawal of it. You will be cranky, irritable, you may have sleep issues. You may find that you are using pot to self-medicate for other issues, so I suggest a visit to a doctor for a full check up.
I smoke daily. With doctor's permission and knowledge. It's medically legal where I am. It works on my pain and my anxiety.
That being said, if you want to quit and he does not, you can't force him. You can only take care of yourself.
I strongly urge you to go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings.
http://ukna.org/
You will meet others who struggle as you do and you can make friends and find support.
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