A
female
age
41-50,
*ountrygurlfun
writes:Here's the thing. My husband and I have been together for nearly 7 years (married for 4).We have had sex once in the last 3 years. My husband is seventeen years older than me ( I am in my late 20's) and we get along in most ways, apart from the lack of affection. He doesn't even sleep in the same bed as me (say's it hurts his back). I have suggested we buy a new bed, but he still doesn't want to.We have a one year old together (which we had to conceive through IVF, Which is just as well considering the lack of sex in the relationship). He is a wonderful man and a great father, but I don't know if I can handle this no affection for much longer. I have put on a fair bit of weight over the last few years and I know he isn't as attracted to me, but if you love somebody should that really matter. I love him for who he is, not how he looks and most guys in their late 40's would give anything to have a wife in their 20's.He hardly even ever kisses me or touches me, I feel like I am living with a flat mate...help.....I would have an affair, but that's really hard in a small town and I have warned him that I will look elsewhere soon if he doesn't even start to make an effort as in seeing a councillor or something. This doesn't even seem to worry him.I'm not unattractive, I just have a little bit of weight due to hormonal issues etc and I am trying to shift it,,,but should this matter anyhow.Please help me, I love him and I don't want to leave, but I just don't know what to do, we just go around in circles arguing all the time about it. He just then sweeps it under the rug and thinks everything is fine.He has bought me sex toys, but I tell him that isn't the same. I am starving for affection, it doesn't even have to be full on sex. Just a cuddle, or even just sharing the same bed.Am I insane for staying, I have our little baby to think about who loves his daddy to bits.
View related questions:
affair, conceive, flatmate, sex toy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 March 2011):
 No your not insane and no it should not matter that you put on a little bit of weight either. Im not sure his issue may actually be with you, he may have just hit his middle age peak where is sex drive has hit zero. But only having sex once in the last three years is a joke. The physical side to a relationship is just as important as anything else and also it sounds like there is no emotional connection between you both anymore.Your attitude however about having an affair is the wrong one, because that would be a bad choice to make and a disrespectful one to your daughter as well. If things are that bad then you have no choice but to leave him and hope that he comes to his senses. You have already warned him that you cant take much more of this. So sit him down and tell him that if things dont improve you are leaving tell him he has two weeks. If nothing improves in that two weeks then you should really think about taking a break from each other for a while to see if it changes anything. Without you and his daughter in the house he may come to realise what his life would be like without you both and it will give him space to allow himself to deal with the fact that he loves you. Am sorry I cant be more helpful but nobody can make him be affectionate except for him.Maybe he has his own underlying issues. Talk to him about it and ask him to explain to you why he wont go near you. goodluck sweetie.
|
