A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About 4 months ago 2 of my friends fell out lets call them *H and *T. Since i was friends with both of them i got stuck in the middle although T is in the year above were really close. Although H still ment a lot to me our friendship remained although her and T became enemies. 3 of my other friends. *L,*E and *A hate T now even though she hasn't done anything to them. For the past month i have had a lot on my mind with this and another friend realated matter and they know that. Yesterday i sensed that H,L,A and E are really annoyed with me. Now we all have had an argument and fell out. H,L,A and E now hate me and until the timetable changes i will be in their classes. I have another friend who i can talk to in class *Z. She said she won't fall out with me but she is friends with H,L,E and A. I want to avoid them as much as possible but i know that won't happen. Knowing what H is like she will turn to violence even if i don't say a word to her. All this started cause im friends with T. How can i ignore and avoid them if they turn to violence or won't leave me alone in school?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Hmmm-- that's a toughie. I'd say that if you're looking for good friends, T and Z sound much better than H who must be a bully. L, A, and E sound like weak sisters who are afraid of H... if you can change the dynamic with H they will probably switch back to you.
I'm not an expert, but try looking up "relational aggression" and reading about techniques to deal with it... can probably get them from the library or used.
I found the following, and there are LOTS more books on this subject:
http://www.amazon.com/Mean-Girls-Strategies-Relational-Aggression/dp/1598500228
http://www.amazon.com/Queen-Bees-Wannabes-Boyfriends-Adolescence/dp/B00021LMYU
http://www.amazon.com/Girl-Wars-Strategies-Female-Bullying/dp/0743249879
If there's an older woman (like your mother, an aunt, or a teacher) that you trust, maybe you and she can look these books over and discuss this situation. You are far from the first person to be in a situation like this, and there are ways to deal with it!
Good luck!
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