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anonymous
writes: Hi, my housemate, Gaz is suffering. He's having problems getting a girlfriend. As a result he seems to have fallen into a downward spiral of despair, plunging lower and lower into the depths of misogyny. He now claims to hate all women, stating they are "all bitches" and he has given up trying to ensnare one. He says they only want men who treat them badly and that nice guys who are a bit shy like him stand no chance. We've tried to help him with advice on how one may capture a woman's affection, but to no avail. I really fear that there is no solution and that the oncoming year will see him be pulled in to depression. Any advice would be appreciated. I can provide further details of the problem if required.Cheers in advance,Des.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Kate, writes (20 February 2005): Some women are only after guys who treat them bad, but in my experience we all realise sooner or later that we actually want someone who will genuinely care for them.I think Gaz needs to learn to trust women again, if not in a relationship type way, then on a friendship basis. If you can help him to do this, then I think this would be a good start to rebuilding his faith in women (which can easily be destroyed by a bad relationship).I think everyone needs friends of both sexes, and that friends of the opposite sex can be key in trying to understand the species!! They can support you and help you to understand things which baffle you!!Good luck, and hope it all works out. Don't try to take too much on yourself, try to get others to help if you can.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (18 February 2005):
 Dear DesDoes Gaz have his housemates as examples of relationships working with women? I should think you may have reassured him that through your own experiences that not all women are bitches?Unfortunately, there is some truth that many women do tend to go for men that treat them badly but this is due to them mostly suffering from low self esteem and feeling as if they can almost tame and mould the man to their requirements. Plus, they tend to see such a man as a challenge and enjoy experiencing the highs such a relationship provides. However, saying that, most women would most certainly sacrifice the unbearable lows to be with a man that not only treats them well through caring and loving them but can also provide their own personal type of challenge to them which may be made up of witty conversation and unexpected gestures of romance.Is Gaz suffering from lack of confidence? How are his social skills? Is he able to hold and develop a conversation with a woman? Perhaps you need to get him out more, not with the intention of meeting a lady, just to have fun and for him to build his confidence. I think maybe the idea of him ensnaring a woman needs to be put on the backburner for a while;take the pressure off. He needs to be happy within himself before he can really approach the subject of capturing a woman's affections seriously.Saying that, what about internet dating? You could help him with his profile so that women could appreciate his good points. It would be a real confidence boost if he had replies and sometimes, women on such sites are very shy too.The most important thing is that he builds his confidence and also finds other things in his life to look forward to so that he doesn't get too depressed. What are his interests? What does he do for a living? Could he possibly meet people through his work or hobbies? He needs to also have interesting things to talk about to a girl as well as to focus on what is important to her.I would be very interested to hear how you all get on and if this advice helps at all. Or if you need any further help.
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