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female
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anonymous
writes: HEY, I am 16 and my friend also 16 has recently gone onto the bad path. She has started smoking and drinking even thinking of doing drugs, when I try to advice her on it she says that I am a "drag". She says that she is not doing for attention but i have know her for 6 years and she is looking for attention in the wrong way.She has meantioned that she has recently been depressed but i have spoken to her family and nothing seems to be wrong. I really want to help her with this but I really dont know how to. please help me.Is she just an attention seeker or is she really depressed? What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2006): First off,no "friend" should ever call their "friend" a drag.Though it is really hard it is possible to have a relation with someone like that,but not for long.At first they wil accept the fact thatyou aren't into it.Then,they wil search for other friends that are into it.Not to hurt you,but to have someone there when they are smoking, drinking or doing drugs.You just need to let your friend know you are there.And every now and then tell them how dangerous this is.If they can't get over it you're going to have to be the bigger person.If you love 'em let 'em go.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 January 2006):
 You're a good friend to try to offer help, but unfortunately, as the old saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". Until you friend realises that she's being self-destructive and wants to stop, you can't make her take your good advice.
If you know her family well enough, you can speak to either of her parents and feel the situation out. Not to tattle on her, but to mention her apparent unhappiness in a helpful way. You might say something like "I've noticed that Brittney's got a new group of friends lately and she mentioned that she was feeling depressed. Has she said anything to you?" as a way to break the ice about it. Her folks are the best ones to offer assistance if she has a medical problem (depression).
Obviously if you tell them up front about the drinking and smoking, your friend is going to see that as you ratting her out, not as helping her, so you don't do that unless it gets so bad that you're worried about her life and health.
Many kids do go through a stage of trying out all of the worst vices at about this age. Although she could be clinically depressed, there's nothing you've written that suggests anything more than the usual round of teen angst, which passes in time. You might try pointing out the irony of her proving how "different" she is by doing exactly the same as all teens throughout history... but the observation will probably go over her head.
Stick to your guns, though, and don't be dragged down with her. You can still be her friend without accepting her poor lifestyle choices. If she comes back to her senses and wants to live cleanly again, she'll appreciate having you there and your being a good example for her all the more.
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