A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:In July 10, 2009 my ex break up with me after more than 2 years of living together in a very good and lovely relation. She was always talking about getting married and has kids; we were even planning of buying a house together. Even 10 days before she left she was talking about marriage and kids. Suddenly, she told me that she is not sure if she loves me any more, she told me I was not giving her enough time, that I always put my job and my son (7 years old) in top of her. Probably she was sometimes right with that. She was my north but sometimes I worked really hard because I was saving to buy our house and I did not know how to manage my relation with my son and her (even thought my son love my ex as his own mother and she love him very much)Since she left I told her many times how much I loved her, I sent her flower several times and we even planned a date for September 23 but later call me and canceled saying that she already moved on and that she did not want me to think that we have a second chance. She was hard and cold. We haven't talk since then. She hasn’t called me at all. I love her very much and don't want to lose her without trying to show her my feeling one more time. I was planning to send her a letter so she can know how I fell and how I see the things. Do you think I should send her a letter or just wait to see what happened without even trying anything?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): I think you should send her a brief card saying that you agree with the break up and you have been doing great these last four months and that you can't wait. (but don't give her any information about what)
And then wish her well.
I would stop calling her and stop letting her know you are around waiting for her. If she ever thought of wanting you back she is now knowing she can take her time.
Seriously, I think you have told her how much you love her and that you are sorry for your part in things and she is adamant about moving on.
In four short months you want to tell her that she can call you about anything and you will be her friend, she knows that you want more than that, you have told her so and now you would be lying to her and more importantly to yourself.
I really think your only choice here is to move on. Cut off all contact with her, let her initiate a call but do not put it in her mind that she can do so by telling her to call.
It is your only shot of getting her back, is that she is left alone to think what she has given up by breaking up with you. If she has a change of heart, she will let you know, but right now it doesn't look like she has.
You need to put yourself first and stop focusing on her and move on with your life. Start dating, you deserve it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo what would be more effective? Send her a letter saying how much I love her and how I have changed and agreeing with her about taking her time (even though she said that already moved on) also saying that I miss her as a friend and that she can call to talk about anything to me and I will not bring anything about our relation in our conversations OR should I just call her to say hello and ask her how is she doing without asking anything else or bring anything about our relation.
I want to show her that I am here and that I have not disappear from the world. I been trying to disappear for periods of times since we split almost four months ago but eaither way she haven't call me. What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): I am sorry that you are broken up. First off, I think you need to forgive yourself and stop blaming yourself entirely for the breakup, a relationship takes two people after all. And you know now what your mistake was and can learn from it and in the future you will do better.
Right after a break up like this, it is really not a good idea to send flowers and tell her how much you love her. She doesn't want to feel that she made the wrong decision in breaking up with you because she is hurting too but doesn't want you to see that. Sometimes people need motivation, they often want what they can't have. So usually it is just best to agree to the breakup and tell her that she was right, that you can't wait...and leave her hanging about what, so she will start to wonder what you are up too.
It sounds like to me that she is adamant about ending things, she says she has moved on. She may mean that she is in another relationship and that may not end up working out for her because she could be on the rebound.
Normally, I wouldn't suggest writing her a letter and pouring your heart out and then sending it to her. I think you could do that for yourself to get your feelings out and then don't mail it.
What you could do is send her a brief note accepting her decision for the breakup and then stop contacting her at all, no emails, texts, phone calls, facebook, nothing.
Give her what she wants which is no you.
Then you need to turn your focus on yourself. Go to the gym, work out, excercise makes you feel better from endorphins. Start to date other women or at least get to know some, think about the thing you might like to do that you didn't get to do while with her, take up kayaking...or something!
More than likely if you get out of her life she will contact you in the future, it may take her a couple of months. You want to appear happy with your life.
I can't say that you two will ever reconcile, but by taking care of yourself in this way, you will get over her and be happier.
I know it is very difficult to end a 2 year relationship, I did that myself several months ago and it was hard because I still loved him, but I was not happy in the relationship and I couldn't communicate or work things out with him, he just was incapable of it. All I can tell you is that it takes quite a bit of time to feel better, it is grief that you are going through.
I think she knows that you love her, sometimes love is not enough, I don't know what is wrong with her, and maybe someday you can find out the reasons behind why she broke up with you. The not putting her first is a big one, but it may be her own fear of committment as well.
Best thing really is to let her miss you and contact you.
I mean you can pour your heart out in a letter and mail it to her, but I don't think it will melt her heart and make her turn around and go, oh yeah I was an idiot what was I thinking. Time and distance just might do it however, having her get crapped on by some other guy might do it, she needs to see what life is like without you.
That's my opinion.
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