A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear lovely aunts, I need your help.. I've known this guy for 20 years, not close friends but families are close friends, his mom always wanted us together ever since we were kids. I was always emotionally unavailable and never considered him. We live in 2 different countries now and every now and then I received texts from him but thhey all went unanswered cause I never saved hhhis number. Long story short, I received a text from himbefore christmas where he greeted me and mentioned who he was,we started chatting and he said that for some reason I always cross his mind and I'm special to him and he respects me a lot. Then few days later he started asking very intimate questions and sexual things, I found it weird and changed the subject. We kept on chatting for the next few days and again he started mentioning sexual things and saying that he's a very passionate man etc . And because I started liking him and I've known him all my life I kinda talked a bit mildly abt my fantasies with him. But he pushed it too high and I felt uncomfortable and clashed with him. My mistake is that iit happened twice and I'm the one who called again to fix things. Fast forward I went to visit my country and parents, he lives next to me, he was so excited that we're gonna meet, and again the minute I landed he went on talking intimacy, I was in a bad mood, so I ended it even before seeing him and we had a fight. 6 days went by, no news from him. As usual to preserve the friendship I contacted him and told him we can still be friends if things didn't work out. He suggested lunch immediately and picked me up, I really liked him he was so proper and didn't try anything indecent. He dropped me off and we kissed on the cheek. Valentine was the day after, no contact from both sides. A day later I was sad and thinking abt how he barged into my life and how things progressed so I slipped and texted him: u crossed my mind, missing u. No reply. It's been 11 days now, the max time we don't talk. Plz help me understand that man. Is he a pervert? Ps: he said he has no gf but I'm doubting it now.
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christmas, different countries, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you young uncle for the follow up. I will definitely never get in touch with him. My ego is hurt more than anything cause I never considered that man for years and he and his family were pushing for an arranged marriage since we were in college. And he used to text every now and then and I never replied because I never saved his number! I found all that weird. He flipped after I suggested friendship. Whether he has a woman in his life or not, I think he should have replied as my texts were amicable.
A
male
reader, Young uncle not an aunt +, writes (28 February 2013):
I replied to your original post earlier. My response is second from the bottom. Yes, it is rude that he hasn't replied to your texts yet. The least he could do, and what any real man would do, is respond with an explanation for his behavior. He needs to be straight forward with you about what he wants or expects from this relationship. If he just wants to be friends or he just wants sex or whatever, he should tell you that. By not responding though, I think he's showing you exactly how much he cares about you and how you're feeling now. Don't text him again. If you do, you'll only come off as desperate. Have some self-respect and move on. You seem like a good person, and I think you owe yourself that much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your helpful replies, I have texted him again today saying that I'm sad because we lost touch and I hope he's well. I know I shouldn't have but this will be IT. No more anything from my side. I just needed to say that. And guess what? No reply. So he has ignored 2 messages in the course of 2 weeks, that speaks volume I guess. But I find it terribly rude since we've known each other for long. Your thoughts please?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): If these "rude texts" were sent late at night he was probably drunk and feeling horny so he wanted to talk dirty for his own pleasure, and then sober he probably thought what was I doing!
Forget about him, if he wanted to see you he would of replie back; you say it's you always making the effort to be friends, if he wanted more he would of made the effort!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): I think janniepeg pretty much hit the nail on the head. Don't be surprised if you hear from him again someday, but also don't expect him to want anything more than intimacy.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 February 2013):
 No. He is a man who wants intimacy and was being too forward for your taste. You gave him mixed signals but at the end he realized that you only want friendship. He gives up, thinking that living in two countries there is nothing to keep the friendship alive.
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