A
male
age
36-40,
*atz
writes:Me and my girlfriend we've been going out for a month now.She broke up with her x-boyfriend a month ago. And soon after the two of us got drunk and ended up in bed together. Nothing happened that night, after I started kissing her, she stopped after bout 5 minutes and asked me to leave the room. And she started throwing out after all the drinking. So I left.Woke up next morning realizing it wasn't just a nightmare. Went to see her to her room and she was cool, invited me in got dressed and we went off for breakfast.. Later that day when we started talking about it she said that she had no regrets what so ever, about what happened last night (or what could've happened) and that she had liked me for sometime and I told her that I like her too. (I have had for a long time)So from there it kicked off.. She said things were over with her boyfriend.(they've been going out for 4 years!)But before this she had being going out with this guy at work, from the same department.. When I asked her, she said since she's been with her boyfriend for four years, she wanted to see if she could be with another guy.. Apparently this guy sorta told her he doesn't want to continue the relationship anymore as it's not working out.. So she said she just used him but didn't have any feelings for him and it didn't go as far as even a kiss.and that she has feelings for me and wants this to work.I managed to get this guy out for a drink and asked him bout her. He said some really nasty stuff, like her being all over him and asking him to stop seeing other women. but when asked if they had sex he said no. Even showed me some nasty emails she sent him, asking him to dump his current girlfriend and she will be waiting for him till he does.. (this guy also seem quite jealous bout us hanging around together)I went and asked bout this (was cool) her and she said some em were true.. But some were lies..So we talked about it and since its in the past I said I'll let it go.. But it still bothers me a bit. and she still talks bad stuff about him as I think she's mad about him sorta dumping her..Here's the thing though, She and her boyfriend still lives together..Since they share the rent she says she cant move out. They have lots of arguments and she gets hurt every time.Its a one bedroom flat and she says the guy sleeps in the couch and she sleeps in the bedroom.Last Sunday she was supposed to come over to mine and the x questioned her where she was going and got in to argument once again. (I'm not sure if she was just making an excuse not to come over)She said they talked about it and both decided its time to move on and now they're cool.But even so they still IM each other on MSN, like every hour..She helps him out with stuff and he helps her with stuff. He makes her breakfast every morning and she does his ironing. Two weeks ago she said she love me, when I asked her yesterday she said, don't ask me that question..and said its not a no but its not a yes either. Was very confused but didn't wanna get moody!Today at work she was chatting with him on msn again..then he even came to pick her up from work.So I asked her whats going on with them two, she said they're just friends and she wouldn't get back together with him cos although she's forgiven him for hurting her she hasn't forgotten and now that she's with me she's happy.. She said that, kissed me good night, got on his car and went home to cook him dinner..So how is she treating me?.. She says she likes me a lot and cares about me.. and wants this to work but wants to take it slowly and that she needs space.. We slept together once and hung around about twice.. and see each other everyday at work and since she doesn't want anyone else at work to know just yet..we only get to talk during lunch..She says she likes me and cares about me a lot and doesn't want to get hurt again so doesn't want to get addicted to me.. But the truth is I love her a lot and she knows this.Its the most complicated rel I've had and I am very very confused.
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at work, broke up, drunk, get back together, jealous, kissing, move on, msn, needs space Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): hey man i am in almost the exact situation i hope you have better luck than me, the girl i love openly admits that she is just waiting for her x and tells me all the time how much she loves him and turns around saying she cares for me. bide your time see how it turns out and even if it rips ur heart out let her go if need be. good luck
A
male
reader, ratz +, writes (10 January 2008):
ratz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (10 January 2008):
How old are you? It seems you really believe in blinded love.You knew she's still living with her ex and yet you persued her so why does it hurt you when she goes cook for him? They've been together for four years.Do you think she can just leave him and hook up with you just like that? Those two have shared so much 2getha.He probably knows her weaknesses more than she knows herself.As for sleeping on the couch,maybe true but what proof do you have that they don't get it on in da night?
Look i know you expect her to be brave and move on and out of that apartment.Well da sad truth is that it's not easy and she may never do so.If you really wana win her heart,be patient.A month is nothing compared to 4 years! And even if you two get together,she'll still have feelings for him.She even makes up excuses at times.That's a sign that she still loves him.You are really in an awkward position.You can't do much apart from play her game since you are da one that wants her.A much safer route is to forget about her coz you are really complicating your life just like her life is.If you have da heart,suffer on in da hope she'll leave him.I's once in a similar situation and i can advise you if you really want her,give her a timeframe to move out and tell her if not you move on.If she really likes you she'll think of something but if you see time elapsing,move on.What kind of a relationship will you have when it's full of complications even in the beginning?
Take care.
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A
male
reader, ratz +, writes (10 January 2008):
ratz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe still hangs around with her x a lot.. Though she says she doesn't have any feelings for him. She spends more time with him than me. Should I tell her how I feel?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 If you love her and think she is worthwhile, then you need to have patience with her. You cannot rush things.She need more space. You will have to follow her pace though you may not agree.Love is a sacrifice. Give her a reasonable time frame and if she cannot commit to you , then you will have to give her up.She is keeping you on the sidelines in case her relation with that guy does not work.
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