A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i really wanted to have a baby for about 7 years, and the desire grows as i get older. i'm almost 30.i got stupid over it in my last relationship and hoped for mistakes, actually let him cum in me once and never had protected sex with him because i thought maybe i'd get lucky, even though i knew he was not right to be with me or to be a father. he's not ready.but it seemed he complimented my genetics perfectly. i thought with his genetic contribution that the baby would somehow be balanced. my family's naturally fatter. his is thin. i can curl my tongue, he can't (one of many genetic traits that we differed upon), he was of eastern european descent, i'm not at all, he is naturally talented at things i am not, and vice versa, etc., etc. as individuals, we were both unbalanced people--unbalanced in an extremely opposite way. we are no longer together, which is for the best at this point, but i regret not conceiving with him because of how much i thought the child would be born healthier than either one of us ever were, in mind and body. i'm not debating nature vs. nurture. i think nurture is by far the most important thing, but i do think that genetics influence some important(if not many) qualities in a person. of course i know that genetics can't really be controlled to a finite point, but i do believe that people chose their mates at least somewhat for genetic qualities.do you think i was so set (so happy at the thought) of him being the father of my child because i'm in a hardcore biological phase, or because there was something about him that made sense, in terms of compatibility with me, and thus for the sake of our non-existent child? (i couldn't just go out and reproduce with the next willing male i saw, for the sake of reproduction. there was just something about him that made sense...i've never felt so strongly about this with my former boyfriends preceeding him, but of course i was also younger when i was with them.)any thoughts on this would be appreciated.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 Before you have a child I think you should first deal with some of the issues you have over wanting to get pregnant with someone who doesn't want to have a baby with you. I am sure for all the reasons people choose to have children, genetics take a part but usually this is an unconscious choice. We usually (although not always) find ourselves attracted to a mate and wish to procreate without really thinking about it so much...it usually just happens.
In the here and now, you are no longer with this man and thats probably for the best. Explore yourself as a person and deal with your thoughts about being'unbalanced'. Sadly having a baby is not a 'cure all' for what ails you. Children are a lifetime commitment of joy and pain and wonderment and worry all rolled into one. Damn hard work but one of the main reasons for life. Thinking so hard about your ex and whether you 'shoulda woulda coulda' will just hold you back from making connections with other people.
Yes it's true that a lot of women of a certain age get an urge to have a baby as they feel their body clock ticking but try to be a little more relaxed about things. Eventually you will meet someone you really 'click' with and can build a loving relationship and then maybe a child will come from it.
The outcome of how your child will look, its health and physical condition is down to genetics but you dont get to pick which ones...it's just a miracal of nature. Try to think about it less and start thinking about how being a secure, happy and confident woman would be much more beneficial to your future children.
Good Luck
Aunty Em xxx
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