A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I would very much appreciate any sensible advice that you can offer me, I am at my whits end.My 2 year relasionship has been heading downhill for a year now - I'm only seeking help now after trying to solve the issues myself, after failing that I began to bottle it up and became clingy,reclusive,depressed and hormonal - everything I hate and know he hates too. It hasnt helped one bit, but I cant fight the feelings of rejection and jealousy, I am a pretty enough girl but now I cant even bare to look in the mirror, I am starting to hate myself. I need help now, this cant continue.The problem: He has become distant and inattentive (see title) - no longer hugs me, cooks for me, we have sex only twice a week and he fails to 'finish me off' although I cum easily and frequently. I constantly go to bed feeling useless, sexually frustrated and wondering whether I caused this somehow? He acts selfishly towards me, we never go anywhere together, he doesnt ask about my day or take any interest in what i do, he never kisses or hugs me unless i ask - which is awful!I know that all couples go through times like these, we NEVER argue, which is great. But when I approach him regarding these problems he acts like he doesnt care at all, or like he thinks I am over reacting. He tells me to get over it (although not those exact words)I make an effort with my appearance at all times, I try to make good conversation, I am kind and caring, warm and passionate .. I have faults aswell, I may have become too clingy and worried that I lost track of reality, I don't know! I cook, I clean, I please him in everyway imaginable - I am happy doing this and pray for our relasionshipI love him to bits, and cant imagine the state i'd be in without him, it kills me to think that this could get worse but I know it will if I don't act now.Please, Please, Please - tell me what I can do? Have any of you had this problem? How did you sort it out? Are you together with that partner today?Do not tell me to leave him - as I won't, I never will. I pray he won't either.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): Never arguing isn't necessarily a great thing.I may be late to answering this, but really as you list off these things.. How many do you talk to him about? And when you do talk to him about these issues it may seem more that you are accusing and lecturing him on what he's doing, rather then telling him your feelings and what you need him to do. It may sound odd, but I myself am closing in two years with the same man and found out that how we talk to each other as women is fairly different with men. Whenever I tried to talk to mine about what he has done wrong, he'd feel attacked and lectured. Sure, he was doing things that hurt my feelings and upset me, but I wasn't going about it right for it to change. It took a long time for me to realize this, and also realize that you really have to be straight with what you are saying when you DISCUSS it with them.Instead of saying, Bob you are so selfish! Say, Bob lately I've really felt down about myself and don't feel as beautiful anymore. When I look to you, I feel like my needs aren't being met. (but that isn't where you end) Could you please ________ ___________ _____________Now where I've underlined, you tell him simple tasks that he can do. You make them real tasks that he can do physically with you that will help your problem. Do not make could you please respect me, because I bet he probably does and doesn't know his behavior is hurting you. Mine has told me to get over it a few times too, and the reality was that I told him about everything that was upsetting me and how it made me feel and not once told him what he could do about it.Communication is the main frame, and it's important to argue. Tell him how you feel and what you want him to do, he might respond in the opposite but an arguing couple (who argue well) are more likely to keep going on the long haul. There isn't anything wrong with arguing as long as you do it right. Relationships are hard and you have to constantly see how you are communicating and what messages you are sending them as well as seeing what's going on with them as well. As nice as it is to throw all the stones at him, you are really only seeing your own side. Start wondering how he's thinking or if something's going on with him. Open the communication platform and even with all that work, you'll find yourself and him becoming better persons that mesh better and will move toward a stronger relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Hiyaa
i know exactly were u r cuming from! it slightly diffrent for me. my boyfriend and i went through a stage were i would be tha one to make good conversation or try and be playful and have a larf,but he just dint want to know. i had to ask for hugs and kisses. the only way i sorted this out is by talking bwt everything it was hard for me we nearly ended but we stronger than ever and bak to normal like we used to be. u can take my advice or u dnt want to is talk to him bwt everything and how u feel. everything and how u have felt it may hurt but it works.it worked for me and hope fully if u take this advice it will work for u. good luck !!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I think this is a pretty common problem with men. He's being insensitive to you needs cuz they're different from his. Many men just don't understand that part of maintaining a relationship is making your girl feel special on a consistent basis. It took me awhile to figure that one out. I still don't understand why my girl needs constant reassurance... I just know I need to do it if I want her happy.
The only way I can think of to help you is to stop trying. The more you try the greater your frustrations. You should try acting indifferent towards him. Make it appear that you've given up... like you don't care anymore. He's only gonna show attention because he feels like it, not because you want him to. If he senses a problem he's more likely to be attentive towards you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Hunny
You said you didnt want to split up so I advised you on the things that may improve your life as sometimes when this happens our men get distant as they no not how to help, And it can frustrate them, Im not for one minute saying stay in a relationship that is hurting you as thats not good, But you did say it not an opption you leaving, Plus hunny you want to work this out as you stated on the bottom of the post so I hope my advise was what you were looking for hunny TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, pinksuze  +, writes (5 March 2008):
You say you'll never leave him, and yet he is clearly not making you happy. You're doing everything you can and yet still things are not changing, and the reason for that is that it isn't you who needs to sort yourself out, it's him. He is treating you really badly and taking no account whatsoever of your needs - and no amount of anything you do to try to make it better will address this issue. In fact, all it's doing is making you feel worse and worse. Your self-esteem is at rock bottom, and instead of doing things to help you to feel better about yourself he's doing things which are actively making you feel worse. The way that things are at the moment, if you do manage to save your relationship it will be at the cost of your happiness. You'll still be with him, but you'll be unhappy anyway and that's no life.
He needs to understand what the implications are of continuing to treat you in the way he is doing. If he can carry on with this behaviour and nothing happens he has no reason to stop doing it. You need to tell him very clearly that his behaviour is unacceptable and that you're not prepared to put up with it. I'm sure that, despite how he's treating you, he does love you and if he saw that there were consequences to acting as he is, he would probably take steps to address this problem. If he doesn't then you choose either to stay with him in a relationship which is making you very unhappy and eroding your self-esteem, or you leave him.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 It looks like he has taken you for granted. Your marriage do not have the sparks or the 'zing' in it.
You should do things together. Maybe, plan for a holiday together and this may spark some romance back into your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Hi Hunny
You do need some help im going to send you a few links one is for depression one is for your self esteem to get you back beliving in you...You sound very unhappy with yourself and maybe a doctors appointment would be a good idea at the moment if you are struggling with your hormones im taking it you mean p.m.s...(sorry if I have this wrong) But everything is worth a try and I have suffered with p.m.s for many yrs and have for the last 3 months been taking a herbal remedy called bust boom the name says it all but the most important thing here with this remedy is the way it helps with your hormones and p.m.s mine has gone after over 15yr probably 20 its amazing it just got better after 1 month of taking one herbal pill a day I will send you the link for this as well, Its up to you of course if you wish to try it but to me its a gift from heaven....
This is for your depression self help hunny
http://www.fightingdepression.co.uk/
This one is for your self esteem and has alot to offer..
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php
This is the advert for bust boom it states here how it helps p.m.s its worked for me amazingly its all herbal and you can buy it on e-bay if you wished to....
http://www.bustboom.com/
All of this sweetheart is self help and of course its entirely up to you if choose to take the p.m.s help as it advertises for bigger firmer breasts but the other qualitys is what I went for Im not complaining mind, I do wish you well and hope you can work on this relationship and things improve when you get your confidence back..
I do hope some of this helps you to help yourself get well and feel better, I do think an ap with your doctor would be a good idea if you have been feeling bad for awhile TAKE CARE SWEETHEART WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, pipgib +, writes (5 March 2008):
put your foot down he has no reason to even try to improve your relationship he has everything he could want someone to cook,clean he is selfish and wont change without you speaking up give him an ultimatum either he changes or leaves if he changes great if not you will be better off without him
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