A
female
age
41-50,
*hel6
writes:married for 10 great years .... i started a affair/ relationship with a beutiful man i now deeply love. problem being that i still love my husband...my husband has now found out and is willing to move on but i just cant imagine not having either if these men in my life... im so confused.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): One man fulfills a part of your needs (let say financial security, stability, overall happiness, children)The other man fulfills the other ones (sex, romance, love, fantasy).Otherwise i assume you wouldn't look to keep them both. (love them both)You can't choose one over the other, because they both got their pros and cons as everyone does. Tell your husband your true feelings. Relationships are built on trust and honesty. If he can't fulfill your needs, then it's only normal that he has competition where there'a demand there's always an offer.You have needs as a woman and i understand they come in conflict with your happiness, religion, values, ethics and morals, feelings and conscience. It's up to you to decide which comes first and set priorities. Don't scuttle a battleship over a raft you'll probably end up on some desert island or maybe a paradise one. God knows.I could tell you to seek professionnal advice, but you would't be asking on a forum for answers, so that would be pointless to tell you that...(Sorry for the low level english, i'm canadien-français).
A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 I would look into polyamory. If you truly love both these men and if they are willing, why give up either one of them? If one demands that you make a choice, then you will have to. But if you are open and honest with them both, you may be able to salvage both relationships. The big thing about polyamory is that you are honest about everything. There is no such thing as cheating because you never hide anything. Get it? But EVERYONE must be willing. It is not polyamory, but instead is cheating, if not everyone agrees and willingly participates.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): I went through the same thing...married 17 years, great guy, loved him, met a guy that toppled my world. I am now divorced, I chose my lover. My advise...since no kids are involved, why stay with your husband? You are obviously missing something...just know that it is hard. Hard to give up what you have built. Just know that if your lover decides to leave, you will be alone. You have to be OK with that. I do not believe that a marriage can survive an affair. So, you are young, no kids and life is yours...make it a happy one.
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A
female
reader, shel6 +, writes (10 December 2007):
shel6 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the genuine advice x . . . just to clarify a few things . i don't/ cant have children and the other man in the relationship loves me deeply .. this in turn makes my situation all the more confusing. hopefully ill make the right choice i just dont know what that is at the moment . . thanx again
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (10 December 2007):
 Choose the lover. Because, your husband knows it and in the future, after the man gets lost from your life, and thus threat is gonna, he might remember your cheating on him and come back to this issue in a very angry manner.
Your lover knew your husband so he has never been cheated on. I strongly recommend you to choose your lover. Not your your husband.
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A
female
reader, bellachic385 +, writes (10 December 2007):
 You have to ask yourself why you started the affair in the first place. You possibly were lacking something and this other man seemed to fill this gap.
Since your husband found out, I sounds like both won't work.
Before you and your husband split think about these things and talk to him about why it started, you may be able to fix it.
If your husband wont have it and does leave does the 2nd guy love you?
I hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, norstal  +, writes (10 December 2007):
I find myself in a very similiar situation except I don't have the same feelings for my wife as I do for my lover but my wife and I have many business investments together and she is very angry and can do very mean things so although I would like to be with my lover, I am worried about what my wife will do. At least in your case, your husband is very understanding and you have to decide with which man you will be happier with. Do you want children or do you have children. This is a serious issue that you have to discuss with your lover. It may be the deciding factor.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): if your husband is ready to move on then tough. if a girl cheated on me i know id never have her back, even if i was married to her.
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