A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Never in a million years would I thought I found myself in this situation. I've been divorced 2 years and although I've been dating here and there, never found anyone who found a connection with. On my birthday 4 months ago, i got crazy drunk and made out with my roomate's co-worker. I was quite embarrass and never saw him again until 3 weeks ago, when my roomate brought him to hang out. we were completely sober and just hit it off. Couldn't stop talking to each other and I felt incredibly comfortable with him. We talked about everything, including how he had a fiancee and about to get married in a week. Although I was attracted to him, I knew he was off limits. However, the week leading up to his wedding day, he would call and text me everyday. I told him it wasn't a good idea to keep contact, and he tells me he's doesn't want to get married because he realize he has feelings for me. To make the long story short, he went back to his small hometown to get married. I wished him the best, but when he returned, he said he had to see me. he said he made a mistake and he wants to be with me. that's he's falling for me and doesn't want to be married. I kept fighting him off, i didn't want to be the "other girl", but our attraction is too strong for one another. I feel awful and became weak. I haven't had a man in my life for over a year, and to have this man kiss me and hold me felt like heaven. When we are together we have so much fun, laugh, and have the most passionate sex ever. I know it is wrong, and I tried to end it, but he begged me and cried to not leave him. That I am the best thing that has ever happen to him. My question is, how do I find the strength to walk away from this. A part of me doesn't want it to end because I feel so alive and getting all my emotional and sexual needs met. The other part think about his new wife and how hurtful it would be if it happenend to me. I always did the right thing all my life, and for the first time, Something that feels so right in my life is completely wrong. I don't want him as my own. I realize I am hurt from my divorce and have become one of those women who are afraid to give her heart again. I don't love this man, but he does fill a void inside of me. Please help me. thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): Iam in a similar situation, however, I am an unhappily married woman totally in love with a divorced guy that I think the world of. He has taken a new position in another state and believes I will be part of this "new beginning" with him and his son. He does not know I am married because I never knew it would go this far. I was thrown in a situation too many years ago and realized I never was in love with my husband but as that old saying goes I stayed until my children were grown, now I am thinking about moving on with my life and for once I want to be happy. I have tried letting go, making up excuses I was not good enough for him ( I am a Professional as well) but for some reason, I just keep going back because I cant let go. This is the lst time in my life that I have been in love and hopefully my last. I am in my 50s and so is he. He's been married twice, with still a teenage son in the picture who will be moving with him. HELP, I just need some advice, my friends cant seem to understand how I am feeling right now; the more I think about him moving on, the more I keep saying to myself, let him go, make the excuses as to why you cant be with him, as much as this will hurt me and him as well, I believe I have to do this, I dont see any other way. I am afraid to tell him I am unhappily married because I lied to him from the beginning but everything regarding my marriage and family I have been honest and upfront, will he be able to forgive me if he thinks the world of me and loves me like he says?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): you have made the right choice to end things with this married man. this will hold you in good stead when you are ready for another relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): Congatulations! I am so proud of your strength! keep it up! It will make you a better person! A stronger person!
Good Luck and Stay Strong!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have ended things today.
I have been ignoring his text and calls.
I did compromise my values and morals
for my own selfish needs. I know I am better
than this. I think we both used each other.
It is like an drug addiction. You know it's
wrong but it feels good for the moment.
So u do it anyway worrying about the
consequences later.
I don't love him because I won't allow
myself to. But when I was with him I did
feel love for him. What's done is done. I will
learn from this experience. thank u for everybody's
Advice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): you seem sensible. you admit you don't love this man yet he fills the sexual void you have. you have used him, but now it is time to stop. you have deliberately cheated on his marriage and his new wife. if you know this is so wrong, then you have the power to put an end to it. stop making excuses and stop lying to yourself. unfortunately you have allowed yourself to become the other woman, no one forced you,. you choose this path in your life. you made that moral decision and you had no boundaries. now that you are thinking clearly and you know what to do, the question is, do you continue as this amrried man's nothing on the side or do you make he moral decision to end your affair and still work on your hurt over your own divorce. strange how you are still hurting over your own divorce yet you have indulged in this affair with this married newly wed. you put yourself in this position and you compromised your values, morals and belief system. only you can decide what to do. perhaps you can also empathise with his wife's position. you know the effects of pain, betrayal yet you indulged so freely with another married person. time to check your value system and see whether what you have discovered about yourself is actaully worth it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): I am in a very similiar situation except I am the married man. You do have to treat it like an addiction and anticipate the depression that comes along with it. I've lost 10lbs and I'm still not over my mistress. But it has to end... It has to!
One day at a time.. One hour at a time.. One minute at a time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): Letting go is a bitch! Especially when the person fulfills such needs! Knowing right from wrong doesn't make it easier.
Treat it as you would an addiction...take it one day at a time...and when you relapse, forgive yourself, and try harder!
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