A
female
age
30-35,
*rincess166
writes:I've been seeing a guy now for about 7 months now, i am 20 and he is 26. he was the one doing the chasing. he still hasnt asked me to be his girlfriend.Late 2008 he broke up with his girfriend of 6 years. he has never brought up his ex to me but i do know they keep in contact through facebook. he told me he broke off the relationship because they eneded up getting sick of each other and it was mutual. around nov 09 i asked him what was going on between us wheter we were bf or gf and he said would you want to be bf/gf? i said yes and he said he wants to but its hard when i dont get to see you often (i was struggling with chemo and study at the time and i still am)beginning of dec we went through a rough patch, his band left for tour. he started talking to me less because he felt like i didnt even like him and i was so used to him doing all the work (calling, asking me out, talking every day) that i hardly made any effort to talk to him and when i didnt hear from him i was confused. but now i've learnt to initiate with him (we fixed this problem in early jan)late dec again i asked him what was going on between us and i asked what we are and he said he promised himself after he broke up with his ex that he would never have another girlfriend again.i asked whether he wanted to stay as friends and he said no way!! and i asked what are then? and he replied well i guess we're "seeing each other". and he that wasnt ready to go out with me because he didnt want to hurt my feelings. he said i was being paranoid. but i feel as though i have a right to know. and left me wondering why he changed his answer as to why we're not bf gf.early january i asked whether he was seeing anyone else and he said no, but that he wasnt ready to be bf gf with me since he might hurt my feelings.what i dont understand is we see each other during the week and on the weekends, going out basically acting like gf/bf. we talk every day and i know all his friends and get along with his sister well and he gets along with my parents. he also gets along with my friends.last month we started having sex, i lost my virginity to him. which i dont regret because i enjoy it with him but i feel as though ive changed my morals because i promised myself id only lose my virginity when i was with a boyfriend. i love him a lot, i doubt he feels the same way but iam so afraid of losing him.is he only seeing me so then he can leave me any time to go back to his ex and keep his options open? i want to ask where we are going in this relationship but i feel as though i know the answer and that we'll be stuck as "seeing each other" forever.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): Um...I'm sorry, but I would still regard you as bf and gf. You're clearly dating and sexually active with each other. You've basically gotten yourself embroiled in what would be best termed a non-committed/casual relationship. A more cynical person might even say that your guy is getting his cake and eating it too - i.e. enjoying all the postivie aspects of a relationship (including sex) without actually having to commit to you. A case of "Why buy the milk when the cow is free?" sort of thing. Whether you remain with him is of course entirely up to you, but you guys are clearly seeking very different things from this relationship.
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