A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello,First of all please don't anyone judge me for this. I am a writing anonymously to guard myself and the person I'm seeing. I know it's wrong, in fact we both know it's wrong. I've gone to this church since I was a child. Years passed and I continued to assist and help out in anything I can. But, two years ago a new priest was assigned to my church. In the beginning I found him to be very young and yes, handsome. He is a year younger than me. He is very nice to everyone but there seemed to be an attraction between us. Our eyes would meet in the middle of mass and I would notice him roll his gaze down, trying to avoid me. I would do the same. I even stoped going. One day during confession, I hurried into church, waited for my turn and just sat there. I confessed of my strange attraction and little did I know it was him on the other side. I felt so embarrassed. I haven't told anyone. Worse was the day he told me about his duties and how he couldn't break it. I need help, I feel guilty. one day, before closing I gave him copies he had asked for and yes, we kissed. It just happened automatically, he inclined his face to mine and we just kissed. I loved to feel his arms around my back and his embrace was nothing I ever felt before. I just wanted to stay there!! At the end I just walked out and didn't look back. We look for time to be alone, we know it's wrong but our intimate time together is nothing compared to my past relationships. Last night he cried telling me he couldn't live this lie, and how bad it feels to him because he is breaking celebacy. I am afraid. We go out in hiding but when we are together, it's all hapiness, love, the best love I ever gotten. I feel like a sinner, I feel horrible. I go back in my memory and remember our kisses, how sincere it felt. Our lips locks and I just loose the sence of time! I don't want any other man than him. He tells me that he loves me. What should I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2015): Hi Priests seldom leave the priesthood to marry. I had a relationship with a priest just recently. I thought it was divine and I should not press him to leave the priesthood. Then he got transferred to another parish. He visited me less often. It was while speaking about nine months after he spoke of a house he visited and how the young lady does his manicure etc. Everything fell in place. I jokingly commented but never showed my hurt. That was the last day I spoke to him. Clearly this priest was flirting himself and using women for his emotional needs. If you have a priest who loves you alone. Hold on to him. Celibacy is man made. On the other hand many heterosexual priests are users!
A
female
reader, anonymouslovesyou  +, writes (16 May 2012):
Reading this let me know that Im not alone on what I feel. Im inlove with my parish priest too. Very inlove. But I dont know what he feels. He always tell me stories about him. He said he had a past relationship beforw he entered priesthood. It lasted for 5 years. We share everything. He calls my mom mommy too. My whole family knows him but they dont know.how i feel He is 21 years older than me. And now Im jealous with her secretary. That witch always keeping close to him. But he always keephis distance now and he knows that we have a quarrel. So he is keeping my distance with that witch. He always having an eye contact. Im almost melting everytime he looks at me. He looks that way only to me. She walks me home everytime werw together. And everytime his sermom is about love, he always look through my eyes. And now were beimg apart because of.my studies, he dont want me to go. Thats why i love him
...............................
A
female
reader, smurf1974 +, writes (15 February 2012):
OMG I cannot believe I have found this blog. I know it was from 2009 but hope I can get some advice myself. I myself am truly in love with a man right now in a religious order. WE met each other two years ago when he was out of the seminary and took a break from things. Well I met him then and we had a beautiful connection immediatly and in time fell in love. Our relationship was beautiful. I knew of his desires to be a priest but he took a break right now. Well then he decided during our relationship that he was struggling with his desires to be priest still and wanted to go away and disern. Well we agreed to go forth with this and he did. But we would still see each other thru this process which probably was not helpful cause during this time he has been in three differ orders. This last one he went into he went away in a far away state to disern properly feeling that only way to disern properly for his longing for priesthood was for us to be apart. Well at first this was extremely hard on both of us. Then we seen each other at Xmas for first time since he left in Sept. It ended up being weird at first but then had amazing xmas and new year together. Then he goes back and he starts acting weird. Then tells me last week that he decided that his hearts desire is still to be ordained priest. He is struggling with this decision so much as he does not want to give me up cause he says he is truly genuinely in love with me and that he will never stop loveing me but cannot help his calling and that it is not fair to me to continue to live double life as I wanted a future in married life with this man. So much more was said but after all said we are still so emotional taht all we do is talk and cry over this decision. He says he has tried to find everyway to be with me and makes this work. He feels he is not called to be deacon cause he wants the fullness of being a priest and all the duties that comes along with it. He talked about changing orders but it is hard for that to happen here in US as we see it. He is Roman Catholic and once you change you cannot change back but also they look into thoroughly if you are trying to change over to them to avoid the celebacy law so you can marry. I am so hurt and distraught over this. I feel so betrayed in a way. He continues to talk about are intimate life and all the beautiful things we done together and how hard it gonna be for him to let that go but really needs me in his life and hope that even though it will be hard for us to be together that way that if I can still be there and support him thru this vocation. Trust me I want to do it, but how can I right now. I feel so abandoned by him. Two years may not seem like much but we have been thru this roller coaster ride together and the more we together the deeper our love has gotten. He has taken no vows yet but he will. He has no other way willing to compromise. I really wish we had a way to be together. I wish I knew of a way. He told me other day that dont think for one second he will ever stop loving me, that he will always love me and does love me and that this hurts him more then he knows. I am so filled with so many emotions. Like if he really loves me cant he see that maybe god had differ plans for him then this priesthood. He is so passionate about god but I feel so many ways to fulfill his word. He is a great theology teacher and he can preach his word thru teaching or other ways. He just refuses to give up ordination cause this is something he has wanted since a child. But celibacy is a struggle for him esp. with me now in his life. He said he never planned on meeting me and falling in love, he is torn with all this. I do not want double life either I want open relationship that is honest but I am so heart broken over this. Sorry if I rambled I so upset not even sure how this all sounds.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2011): You are one of the lucky ones. My priest let me call him all of the time. It went on for seven months. He apparently became infatuated with me and made it so obvious that people in the church began to stare at me whenever i entered. I told him how much i loved him and he let me continue to open up my heart to him. But we never slept together. I was afraid to be the one to cause him to break his vows. I was terrified of that.
Sorrowfully, I could see the fire and passion in his eyes.
One day the church went on an outing. I was destroyed when i saw him spend the entire day with another woman. He all but ignored me. He was smiling and pointing at me while the two of them passed our group. I blew my stack and later told him what i thought.
I called him and he proceeded to tell me that he did not
really know me and that i should not call him by his first name anymore on the phone and that he was just a piest.
My love for him turned out to be a disgrace and a sham, he turned his back on me for another woman who he apparently cares more about than me.
Stay with your guy at least he was honest and true to your love. It might be hard but celibacy is just a man-made law of the church, it is not one of the "Ten Commandments".
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): I am also in love with a priest who is halfway around the world. We are vacationing together in several months but I plan to encourage him to take the option that the priest from Miami took. The clue here is that if they really believed in celibacy, priests could not be swayed away from it. I would encourage anyone who is in love with a priest to take this route. Get them to make a commitment to either you or the Church. If they sneak around and try to hide it from others, they will get caught. It is inevitable that at some point in time the truth will out. So before the vow is broken, give him the opportunity to follow Fr. Cutie in Miami.Neither of us planned on falling in love, we were working together on a human rights project and it just happened. I view this love as a gift from God. If you cannot view your love for your priest in that vein, then give it up. You can't use it a a justification for your actions. If you do, you will always think that you are doing something wrong and it will affect your relationship.Take time and talk with him about it. The easier way out would be for him to leave the priesthood, avoid any scandal and for you two to discover one another in a different social context. If you persist with the secret liasons, something will happen and you will be discovered somehow. There are people who would like nothing better than to heap more scandal on the Catholic Church and then you would be a part of that. Of course it depends on who discovers it and what sort of flap is created. Or, you can spend the rest of your life and his sneaking around, living two lives and never being able to admit to your family and others that you love this man and that he loves you in return. Sneaking around sort of implies that there is something wrong with what you are doing.
...............................
A
female
reader, phantomspots +, writes (9 November 2009):
There was a case in Miami recently where a young, attractive and very popular priest was caught on the beach with his girlfriend of 2 years. Yep, a Catholic priest and his girlfriend. This man was so loved by the community he was nicknamed "Father Oprah". After the story broke and the community's shock subsided a bit, he made a public shift to the Anglican ministry. He confessed he was in love with the woman, but also still loved God. Being Episcopalian, he could minister to a congregation while having a family. The couple is now married and he is still God's "priest".
Perhaps your priest would consider the same option? Is he deeply devoted to Catholic catechism or God in general? I myself am Catholic, and if there's one thing that irks me about the church structure, not the faith itself, it's the celibacy issue. It really has no basis in the gospel, and arose in a much later century due to inheritances and such. For cryin' out loud, St. Peter was the first pope and the gospel specifically mentions his mother-in-law. At the same time, I agree with smartazngirl that many people see the priesthood as a marriage between the individual and his faith. To become such takes serious commitment, and your priest obviously places high value in that. If your love is more than lust, you both must face your priorities and commitments head on. To do otherwise is to participate in an affair, because it is secretive, dishonest and painful. His parish will see it much the same as a spouse would, as the ultimate betrayal.
Also, are you sure it's not the illicitness that you love? How do you think you would be together as a boring old married couple like the rest of the world ;)? Do you think your love would transcend him leaving the priesthood? I'm not saying it won't. Actually, my grandfather was in the seminary when he met my grandmother. He never actually became a priest, but he was on his way. I just believe God had other plans for him. If you put it in God's hands, he will not lead you astray. I'd pray very hard about this, and ask God to speak to you about what to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, smartazngirl +, writes (9 June 2009):
 I'm going to assume that he's a Catholic Priest.
I'm sorry this all happened. Well, obviously, this isn't good. First thing, he's already vowed that he would be with Jesus & love him forever. It's like a marriage when he becomes a priest & vow his love to God. So, if he, let's say "divorce", then he's committing a mortal sin. Obviously, that's REALLY not good. Then he's going to live with guilt without his life, maybe?
Now, if he didn't, and lives on with you on his mind, and you loving him, that will turn out sorta bad, too right? Because then, he's cheating on Jesus/God. All I can say is that he needs a confession with another priest. Trust me, all priests need confession too. They're still human & could sin. And you need to forget about him.
Just because he's a priest, doesn't mean he's "single". He's already married with God. That's what being a priest mean.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): you have now made your decision to still meet and have sex with this catholic priest, please know this -secrets come out. you will get caught. this is a guarantee. your actions have consequences and the consequences for him is without a doubt the worst punishment anyone can ever have. if he loves you it is not a sin to leave the church. it's better than to carry on this life of a lie. rather encourage him to leave the church than try to live this deceit. in fact he will be better off, and so will the people of the church. God doesn't force people to live this celibate life, as human beings we choose to do it instead, giving ourlives to the LORD. but when we realise we have made a mistake we must take steps to recitfy same - in his case leaving the priesthood. it is so simple yet we just complicate things with all the drama.
lies and deceit breaths more lies and deceit. and you are adult enough to know that things do not remain a secret for long.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the replies. I couldn't contain myself so i went to see him. I told him that i planned not to visit the church anymore being that I feel guilty for placing him in this situation. He told me not to because he shares my feelings. he told me that he plays a part being that he feels attracted towards me. I don't want to break any thing between us so I will continue with this as a secret. That is what we agreed on. I don't know what kind of roller coster ride i'm getting into.
...............................
A
male
reader, Krathor18 +, writes (22 May 2009):
 Hello there hunni, well i might have the answer to your question, if you ever watch Emmerdale (a british soap usually on ITV1) you will see that a Vicar there called Ashley has a relationship with another young girl called Laurel, they even have a baby together, also you could watch the film entitled "Keeping Mum" starring Rowan Atkinson, and they both explain the fact that they are both religious men who are servants of the good lord and they have a family, there is nothing wrong with this whatsoever, breaking celebacy might suck, but if you truly love each other, you can perhaps feel safer getting married, knowing your love is true before you have a sexual relationship and or raise a family, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it hun, you'll be fine, i hope this has helped you, and i wish you all the best.xxx.
...............................
|
