A
female
age
51-59,
*bdream3
writes:I joined this forum because I need help and support. I reunited with my long lost love last November after a 15 year separation. The trouble is I have been having a lot of problems with insecurities and neediness. I have had this issue all my life and it has damaged my relationships in the past and now it's doing it again. I having gone steady with anybody for a really long time until I met up with my long lost love. I thought since I am older and more mature, I was stronger emotionally, but I was wrong. The problem I've always had with this hasn't gone away and all the old behavior patterns that I can recall that took place so long ago ended up happening again in only the couple of months we've been back together. I have been praying to God and asking him to please help me overcome this and to please help fix my relationship because I truly believe that it was because of God that we reunited, otherwise why would we run into each other again? You know the old saying, If you love someone, set them free if they come back to you they're yours, if they don't then they never were, haven't you? Me and Craig,(my long lost love's name) are the epitome of that saying. There's reasons for everything that happens and I strongly believe that our reunion didn't happen by accident. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, zemial +, writes (28 March 2011):
 I am the same way. My Insecurities have damaged all my relatonshIps. I get really clingy and smother the gIrl.then when I start sensing or seeing somethIng wrong my insecurity kcks in and that's when I get desperate and needy whIch the just damages the relationship. After that that's when I try to salvage It but actually make It worst..don't know what's wrong wth me..sigh
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 January 2011):
Hi there. Perhaps you are so keen to have this relationship develop into "Happily Ever After", that you feel you will do anything to make that happen.
Unfortunately, these things can't be forced to happen any sooner than they are meant to.
If you are meant to be together, then in time you will be. However, you can't force it to happen sooner.
It's possible that you have started to make him your whole universe. This then makes him responsible for your happiness. That's a lot of pressure on a man.
You do need to have a life of your own - your own interests, hobbies, your own friends. You both need that. You need to have some time when you don't see each other. You need to gain your own independence, and that's a very attractive trait in a woman. To make a man your whole world, can make a woman appear needy and desperate. It can make a man withdraw from you altogether.
So try making a life for yourself, seeing your own friends, pursuing hobbies, creative pursuits and generally having fun in your own free time. Make your life as interesting and fun as it can be. It will make you a more interesting person, and will give you more to talk about each time you see each other.
Happiness is our own responsibility. It's not up to anyone else. You have to find ways to make yourself happy, and then you will be much more fun to be around. You will also be much more relaxed and confident. Confidence is another attractive trait in a woman.
Sometimes the more you try to make a man like you - by doing everything for him and spoiling him - they can see that as controlling behaviour, and it can cause them to cool off a bit. So be very aware of that.
The main thing is to just relax and be yourself, and be genuine in who you are. Be open and honest with him, but don't share too many feelings with him about your problems. That could overwhelm him.
Take care and best wishes.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): You and Craig may have a lot in common and love each other which is why you reunited. It's great that it's happened, but I wouldn't give all the credit to God or fate.
Clingy people in general have a psychological dependance on a person or outside factor. They are addicted to this one person/outside thing to affirm themselves. They have trouble making their own decisions, judgements, and taking responsibilities. Everything the person says and everything about that person (how they came into their life) neccessarily means something about themselves. It's a type of narcissism that can ruin relationships, because the clinger can't see the person seperate from themselves with their own needs and limits to be respected.
Even when you say something as simple as you and Craig are fated, you relinquish any responsibility that you had for your getting back together.
Perhaps you have great qualities that he admires?
All I'm saying is that you should own yourself. Don't expect anyone else/or a higher power to do it for you. If you were abandoned in the past, perhaps you have issues and fears that resurface everytime you love someone.
My advice is to get counseling solo (not couples). Present this pattern of behavior you've had in relationships and make sure you do this for YOURSELF. Don't talk about yourself in relation to Craig or what Craig did that upset you or made you feel insecure. You are aware of your problem which is great.
Perhaps tell Craig you know you have a problem and you are trying to get help. He should appreciate the fact that you see a problem and are trying to fix it on your own. Good luck and best wishes to the both of you.
...............................
|
