A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 34, only recently discovered I'm an introvert. I'm not much outgoing since I truly hate loud groups of people. I'm not a very quick speaker, or overly witty. But i'm a kind guy and I know who I am and I know I'll make a great boyfriend for someone who loves me back. Relationship wise, let's just say I still haven't gotten my first kiss.I met this great girl (who is quite a lot younger than me, but really is very mature in her thinking), and I took her on a date (needless to say that took me a lot of effort) and we had a great time. Deep conversations and all, we went on a couple of other outings. And then at some point she told me she liked me as a friend on facebook. Well, needless to say my world collapsed. After a few weeks I finally got a chance to speak to her about this since she was really really stressed about school and her future education. We had a deep chat and she explained me that her previous relationships weren't very happy ones. I know this since she told me something about her previous relationships. Those were all guys who would want to change who she was, chain her down as it were. She's an artistic type so she never allowed that to happen. But all those guys broke up with her, causing her a serious self esteem issue. And I know I'll never want to change her, but only support and love her. Like a good boyfriend should.Anyways, she just didn't want a relationship right now, she wants to spend time on herself.Of course I respect that, and we're still friends. I actually think we got closer friends after that talk because it shows she really trusts me since she told me things you wouldn't tell if you didn't trust someone. So, i'm acting all happy around her. But on some days, and this is one of those days, I feel so awfully alone. Maybe even a bit bitter as love seems to elude me while everywhere I look I see happy couples snuggling while I'm left with a broken heart feeling so tired. I don't fall in love easily since I really need to learn someone well before I fall in love. But when I fall in love, I do so for 100%..Right now, I don't know what to do anymore. Wait for her? Move on? I still love her deeply. And her signals are so confusing sometimes. One moment she pulls me closer, the next moment she pushes me away. And I really want to be at her side, I know I'll make a good boyfriend for her. Yet at the same time I do keep my distance I don't want to smother her. Not to mention, I hate chatting with her on facebook. She always seems busy, while in face-to-face chat we always talk deeply and personally.Right now I'm semi-content to be a good friend to her. But I really wish it was more.
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broke up, facebook, move on, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers.
Sometimes I get the idea she's locking me out. Especially on facebook. for example I commented on a photo she posted along with some friends. Everyone got a 'like' except me.
But when we're together we talk like good friends.
To be honest. It's driving me crazy.
Would it be rude to ask her as what kind of friend she sees me as, since I feel that she's always pushes me away on FB?
A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (28 October 2012):
 I think this girl genuinely likes you but not in a romantic sort of way. Keep her as a friend but also continue to look around for somebody who wants more than friendship. There are a lot of girls out there who don't want extrovert loud mouth boyfriends or particularly want to be in a crowd. Maybe you're looking in the wrong places. When you meet somebody try to 'lighten up' a bit and not be too intense or serious. Joining a walking group is a good way of meeting people. As you walk along together it's a lot easier for conversation to flow as you both comment on things along the way. Likewise joining some other kind of activity will introduce you to like minded people.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 October 2012):
 First off well done on actually plucking up the courage to take her out on a date. I am sure it took a lot of guts for you to do this and you should be proud off yourself. Yes it is quite sad that at this moment she doesn't seem to want a relationship. I guess in some way the past has damaged her as well. Nobody knows what the future will hold for the both of you so I guess it is good that you have still both maintained a very good friendship.
Yes I can understand your feelings of being lonely, but I don't think it is wise to wait for this girl. Because for all you know you could be waiting a life time, which would lead to you living a lonely life. I think for now you need to accept she is a good friend and nothing more, and keep your options open by meeting new girls and getting to know them as well.
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