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Help! I kissed my sister's boyfriend, and I think I'm falling in love with him!

Tagged as: Cheating, Family, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 August 2009) 16 Answers - (Newest, 8 September 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

hey im 13 and my sister is 18 she is also pregnant to this guy whos 22 well there was this one night when there was the three of us and my mum downstairs watchin a film and my sisters boyfriend let me lie on him for the film well the film finished and it was quite late so my mum went upstairs to go to bed and my sister took the cat upstairs too and i was still lying on my sisters boyfriend then i got up to give him a hug to say night but when i hugged him he kept hold of me so when i took my head back me and him looked into each others eyes then he looked at my nose and kissed it then he kissed my lips but the thing is though i sort of blackout a little bit cause when i opened my eyes i relized that im snogging him with tongues and everything but the thing is though i cant stop thinking about it and i still see him everyday cause he live round the corner of me and my mate cause i always go to hers and i think im starting to fall in love with him but hes been acting really strange but he still gives me a hug night evrytime hes here but what should i do i think im actually falling in love with him xxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks CELTIC TIGER your reply was the best and now im not in love with him and i also dont have a crush on him either thanks alot ih and now i just see him as a brother thanks again for all your replies people xxxxxxxxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009):

i think i need to be blunt with you -

1.YOU ARE 13, too young to cause others harm. if you continue with this man you will be becoming something you don't want to.

2. you are UNDERAGED, for goodness sake.

3. your SISTER is pregnant with this man's child. Think in terms of DECENCY.

4. STOP lieing on this man - no sitting on his lap, no feel good hugs. NOTHING.

You may think i am too harsh but you need someone to be brutally blunt with you, or else you will get the idea into your young head that it is :

-ok to cheat?

- ok to get too close to someone else's bf

you are so young, you are playing with fire and as always when you play with fire, expect to get burnt.

[Moderator's note: This answer was heavily edited!]

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A female reader, April147 United States +, writes (29 August 2009):

Well let your sister know how you feel, let her know everything and let him know. Then if things don't change then move on.

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (29 August 2009):

celtic_tiger agony auntDear Poster,

I know you think you are falling in love with this guy, but at 13 you really have no idea what love and relationships are all about.

Was this your first proper kiss? Did you kiss him, or was he the driving force in this? Because that is very important as to who started it. ANY FORM of romantic contact with someone else is cheating. How would you feel if your boyfriend kissed another girl? You would be devastated I bet.

The fact that he lets you cuddle up, and you hug him goodnight suggests that he may only see you as a little sister. Have you taken his caring actions to mean more than they actually are? Just the way a brother would treat his little sister. He is acting strangly because he feels guilty and uncomfortable about what happened. He sees you as a child, and I know you do not want to hear that, but at 22 that is what he will think. This kiss appears to be the only thing that he has done to give you ideas - are you completely sure? No ADULT man of 22 would ever want to have a relationship with a 13 year old.

That kiss should never have happened, and it should NEVER happen again. Apart from the fact that you are 13, and he is a full grown adult there are other reasons why this is very very wrong.

At 13, you are a child and underage, so if he tries anything more sexual with you then he is breaking the law, and if found out could face prison, and be put on the sex offenders register. He would lose his job, his girlfriend, and probably wouldnt be allowed to see his child. Even if you lead him on and tease him - because YOU are underage, HE would still be in the wrong and be GUILTY in the eyes of the law. His life would be ruined.

He is your SISTERS boyfriend. She is having his child. Do you have any conscience at all? He is taken. He is not single, you can never have him.

I know you feel that you are falling in love with him, but I promise you, it is just a crush. Every woman on this site will tell you that we have all been there at some point. We have all "fallen in love" with an older boy and become infatuated with him. We thought they were "the one" "our prince charming" "the one we were going to marry". When you are older you will realise that this is just a crush. Is he the first guy you have felt like this about? It can be a very powerful feeling, but it WILL fade.

You should tell your mum what happened. Talk this through with her and you can decide together on the best course of action, whether that is to tell your sister, or for your mum to have a quiet word with him on his own.

If you feel you cannot tell your mum, then you need to grow up and forget about this guy, because he is not yours and you cannot have him. Just forget about him and find a nice boy who is closer to your own age.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

SHE IS PREGNANT with HIS child of course it's cheating! YOu should tell her!

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (28 August 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntHe is a cheater and a pedophile, who wants that to part of the family? At least tell Mom and ask her what you should do.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

If you're in a relationship and you kiss someone else, then you HAVE cheated. If it was something he would not have done if she was standing right there, then it was unfaithful. She trusted you and him to let you sit on his lap and have there be nothing to come of it. But you both betrayed that trust. Take responsibility and apologize.

~Sy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

u wouldnt be disowned, he'd be the one in trouble! AND HE DESERVES IT.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

You raise a good point and I'm glad to see that you really have your family's well being at heart. I can tell you're smart gurl so I thing you'll understand when I say that pursuing your love for this guy would have the same impact as telling your sister what happened. What I'm saying is, as hard as it maybe, try to put this in the past for your family's sake. In life we all have to make some sacrifices and for you giving up some you love for another type of love is one of them. And if you ever find yourself in a similar situation with this guy, I urge you to say no. Good luck to you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

Now-- you're being dramatic. Your family is not going to disown you because your sister's boyfriend kissed you. It's not even legal to disown a child of your age. So you need to rule that out.

Why would you tell your mum? The only person you need to tell is your sister, and those are the only people who would split up because of it and they NEED to split up. The guy has horribly wronged your sister and you need to BE her sister and LOVE her and stand up for her!

Your family are older than you and more experienced and therefor wiser and more mature. Your looking at hoensty in this situation as something that would split your family up is not a mature way of thinking. You need to be objective and clear your head and think straightly. There is a right and a wrong here, and what you're doing is wrong. Make it right.

~Sy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

but hes not cheating on her it was just a kiss i think

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

Is he worth losing your sister over? Destroying a family relation?

Now some might say "yes" because they'd rather be with their soulmate and have a lifetime of romantic happiness. But this guy in particular.. how ca he be worth it? Who really WANTS to be with a man who cheats on her with her underage sister? He is dispicable.

You need to open your eyes and respect and love your sister. She doesn't deserve a cheating boyfriend or a decietful sister. Please help her. Please be there for her. Tell her what happened and beg for forgiveness.

~Sy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

tell your sister.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

badadvise i would tell her or my mum if i could but i cant this could split the whole family up and i think hes a bit scared too incase he spills the beans by accident cause this would really split the family up and ill be disowned

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

your 13.. hes 22.. hes your sisters BF,..sigh...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009):

What you need is to tell your sister exactly what happened. Think about it, don't you think that your sister deserves to know that the man who she's having a baby with full on snogged her 13 year old sister?

I understand that you love him but I'm also sure you love your sister and what he did is disrespectful towards her and not to mention wrong on so many levels. I can't stress enough how important it is that you tell your sister or mom about this as soon as you can.

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