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male
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I have a problem that I could really do with some advice on !! I am seperated from my wife and son, and struggling to move on. I have met someone else but every time I try to commit I start doubting everything I have done, so keep hurting my new girlfriend by backing out. She is lovely and has been a rock for me the last few months when I really needed her, as we were friends before we were lovers. I don’t know what to do, I cannot let go of the past and the happy 10 years spent with my wife and all the memories we had together. My little boy is happy and well loved by us both (he is 2 and a half). I keep making a decision to be with my new girlfriend but then a few days later I get so scared and think maybe I should be back with my ex to try and start again, so I guess it’s guilt but surely there is no point getting back with my wife just for the sake of my son. Although we never treated each other badly it just ended as we drifted apart. Can you recover the sexual energy between 2 people when its lost, coz I just don’t think of her that way anymore and that is one of the reasons we drifted apart !! I don’t know what to do anymore. I have feelings for my new girlfriend but it’s being clouded by guilt on the past !! Please help, it’s driving me mad and I don’t want to hurt anyone although I know I will. I don’t know what to do.
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female
reader, AmyJu422  +, writes (6 April 2008):
I was in a relationship with someone on and off for the past 4 years, we have a 2 yr old daughter. Every year for the past 3 years, after christmas we break up and about March I get to feeling that I can't do this anymore and then I try my hardest to get him back. Every year he dates someone else and I have to try and win him back over that person. This year again the same game and here I am pouring my heart out to get him back and this time he is pushing me away and ignoring everything I do and say. I go to counseling and he won't and so I only go a couple of times. I do not want him taking our daughter around his new girlfriends cause he doesn't stay in relationships long and I don't want her invloved. But I'm supposed to be available for him when he wants, but when I want to work on things he blows me off. He always tries to bring things up that he has never said before and I'm not sure if it is just because he is trying to make excuses to stay broke up or what. I'm just not sure what to do anymore so this doesn't continue to go back and forth! Any help and suggestions is greatly appreciated. Thank you
Amy
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): be careful before you fuck up 2 relationships. the marrage is over so move on.
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A
reader, pops +, writes (12 November 2005):
Yes you can regenerate the feelings you once had for your wife. Get to a couselor, and involve her. You didn't lose it without her help, and she didn't lose it without yours. Love takes work to keep it going. There is no free ride with any relationship. Ever wonder why you don't see " best friends" you had in grammar school, or high school, any more? Without school, you didn't have as much in common, and chose not to find something else to have in common. You do the same with other relationships, including marriages. Both of you need to find each other again. Sit down and write a list of all the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Then add another list that tells all the great things she has become that you did not know about her when you fell in love. Then make the list of the things that drive you nuts. And, please add to that list all the sexual things you two don't talk about, and never did. Have her make the same lists. Now you have something to talk about, work on, and fix.
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A
female
reader, S_J_K_J +, writes (12 November 2005):
I know you don't want to hurt anyone but someone will get hurt and lets hope that its not your son. Keep in mind that your son will eventually be old enough to see whats going on and it could reflect on you later. YOu don't have to stay with your wife for your child to have the love he needs and gets. I think you should take time to move on from your wife of 10 years and just focus on your son and you for now. Let your girlfriend know whats going on so you don't mess anything up there(like losing her as a friend), and life will just happen the way its supposed to and you will figure it out.
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