A
female
age
41-50,
*rcada
writes:Please someone give me some advice!!My partner of 18 months walked out on me and our 4 month old child 6 weeks ago. I was devastated cos I thought we were great, he was also always saying the same. He left cos he said he wanted to be on his own and pursue his music career without the hassle of arguments it was causing between us.I have done all the degrading begging stuff and crying down the phone cos I was confused, he kept repeatedly telling he still loved me but not enough to give it another go??It's taken me 6 weeks to start to see him for the liar that he is.For the last 2 weeks I have not contacted him, only texing him to say our son is at my sisters ready to be collected by him. So we dont see eachother anymore he collects our son from my sisters.Well 2 days ago he did something he knew would get to me. When we split up we both agreed that we wouldnt change our relationship status on facebook otherwise everyone on your friends list gets notified with a tacky picture of a broken heart. He also informed me he was never gonna be with anyone for the rest of his life, (yeah right like Cliff Richard!)2 days ago someone called asking why I split up with my partner cos he had changed his status, I know I shouldn't have text him but he knew it would get to me.I text him saying "I see you changed your status to single, what odd behaviour coming from someone who claims to hate facebook and is not looking for a relationship!"He sent a text back saying he did that to see if I was checking up on him! even though I had deleted him and all his friends off my friends list.I am angry at myself for letting him in my head, I still love him to bits and it hurts so much!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): bbe don't worry about him hes ovi didn't want a child with you or he wouldn't of left you just get another bloke in your life and when he finds out he will soon be running back to you and if he has to collect his son from your sisters he ovi can't face up to what hes done and don't believe all that ball shit about he's guna stay single for the rest of his life because my baby's dad said that to me and with in 3 weeks he was with some1 else but its his lose because i don't let him see his daughter even tho he begs me but the way i see it is if you can leave a mother with there child then why should you let them see there child thats just an easy way out of not having to be there 24/7 to do anything but im happy now and i have a beautiful little girl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): Darling. What you are going through is terrible and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It has only been 6 weeks since you broke up with him and you have not long given birth to your baby.
If you need to cry just cry. If you need to moan just moan. Yeah you were in a relationship with this man for a short period before falling pregnant but so what! Don’t let people like the anonymous aunt belittle you with this. As having a baby in itself can be a traumatic and is a life changing experience. Whether you had a one night stand or were in a long term relationship. Pregnancy, birth and parenting are tough. You are heartbroken and need to realise this. Do not try to cover up how you are feeling from yourself. Be true to yourself and listen to what your body is telling you. Don’t hide it or fight it at least in the early days as sooner or later the built in emotions will come out.
In saying that however, he does not need to see you at your low. When you leave the house do not wear your heart on your sleeve try to show the world that you are coping. Look nice make sure you and your child look well and make sure that you are organised. Even if just popping to the shop. He will realise what he lost but by then it will be too late and you would have healed. When the friends on facebook asks you question either dont reply or if you do; reply with 'It was one of those things, I aint the first and wont be the last single parent' etc. Word will get back to him that you dont seem bothered. Save any sad emotions for real friends and family but no one else.
If when you get home you want to curl up and cry them so be it just don’t let him know this.
Yeah he got into your head this time but it won’t happen again will it? Next time he does something like this ignore it and do not respond. He is missing you or at least is thinking about you. Why else would he be bothered about whether you were checking his page? Don’t give him the benefit of the doubt let him wonder if you think about him or check his page. Dont pass any more of his tests.
You may miss him and still love him but he does not need to know. He is not important in your life just your Childs. Continue to let him collect his child from the other person and continue to work on you. The next time you do not respond to him you will have gotten into his head which will make him know what it likes to be on the other end. People may say this is just childish games but its not. It is a coping mechanism for the time being and in time you will not have to play games as you will not care. For now you do care and you have to find ways to feel better. Get some self help books they can be brilliant during times like this. If you like some suggestive reading materials message me and I will recommend some.
Good luck hun you are doing really well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): Sweetheart its only been 6 weeks since you split, you just can't turn off how you feel about him in that length of time. You also have a 4 month old child to cope with on your own, thats a not for anyone to have had a lot to deal with.
Try and get out more, meet other mums in your area, join a mother & baby/toddler group if there's one locally. Show him that just cos you split have broken up with him that it doesn't mean you don't have a life. By him changing his status he knows that will get to you but don't rise to his bait and say anything to him.
The best thing you can do is ONLY contact him in relation to anything to do with your son. At the end of the day he is the most important thing in your life right now and he come's first before anyone else.
Best of luck with everything x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): Hello dear
don't you think you have more things to worry about than him changing his status on face book! c'mon you are in your 30's have a baby to bring up you honstly didn't believe he would stay single all his life?
Let him go as you say you have done all the crying & begging. I am surprised you were only with him for 18 months and in that small space of time you lived together had a baby and split up. Let him have the single life and the music and the profile on facebook too if it makes him happy, you on the other hand have a far more precious thing in your life, take care of him and yourself, be good to yourself join mother toddler group, get baby childcare and go to work you have loads to think and do keep busy. Hope this helps you, and don't let this guy mess with your head your too smart for tha I hope
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A
female
reader, faith_believe_love  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 hi,.i think you should stop thinking of him ok, i know its a hard thing to do but obviously if that man loves you he wouldn't do that he will not make you look like an idiot who keeps on following him you know i think he loves it when he saw you cry and beg him not to leave thats weird of him, he obviously have no respect for you. Just stop thinking about him and just focus on your child. Good Luck! take care.
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