A
female
age
30-35,
*atcatcat
writes:He's a mid twenties male in my life who i care so much about.He was brought up in a HUGE family with a very stern emotionless father. With only one brother and 9 sisters, He never felt loved at home. He has admitted this many times, and they've neglected him on major occaisons numerous times. He's only had ONE girlfriend in the past (for a whole year), who cheated on him and he never spoke to again, and this happened 7 yrs ago! Although he has many friends and is very popular, i cannot seem to find one friend in his life who he opens up to. They seem to be superficial and he sometimes complains about them when they're not considerate enough or say mean comments (he gets easily affected)He is EXTREMELY easily influenced, and is the most skeptical person I know. He changes his views and opinions like he changes his clothes, even on such serious topics like religion and politics. Sometimes when he discusses something i don't understand, i get the impression he's well educated and knows his shit. But when he talks about something i understand well, his theories and discussions seem empty, and he sounds as though he's just CONVICING HIMSELF rather than discussing something. And he seems to do this a lot; im not sure if he's just the type who likes to debate or that he needs this constant reassuring feeling that he is correct?Whenever we used to fight, he used to tell my friend that he doesn't deserve me. And he never seemed to make any effort to improve as a partner although he had so much scope and ability.He'd been on antidepressants for 3 years now. A while after he stopped taking them (abruptly stopped, not reccomended by drs at all!) he went on holiday with a bunch of rowdy friends and he ended up cheating on me. Two weeks later he confessed to me as well as telling me felt he was falling out of love and couldn't "feel the magic" anymore. I was devastated and claimed i never wanted to speak to him again. First he acted as though it was for the best and kept telling my friends that I deserve a better person and he's letting me go because he loved me. A few days later he was asking for a second chance, and kept telling my friends he misses me so bad and was actually crying about it. This is so confusing! And now a day later although i didnt respond to his proposal, he's apparently acting like he's so sure i'm gonna take him back!His brother is married with a beautiful wife who loves him to death BUT he's a serial cheater. He keeps sleeping with other women. And both brothers are crazy about body building and looking "hot". My theory is that due to his childhood, he has extremely low self esteem.. But it does not make sense with his skeptical nature and his other confusing aspects :S...whats his problem?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): Well it seems from your post that he is troubled. he might have low self-esteem, perhaps doesn't really know who he is and maybe has trouble trusting others. But to be honest only he knows and I think DiosaParadisio is right - the details of his specific problems don't matter so much because even if you can understand him, you can't fix him. It is up to him to work out his issues and in the meantime he is cheating. It's up to you whether you can cope with the infidelity - assuming that he works to regain your trust, shows signs of changing and commits to you - but I would stay broken up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): It doesn't matter what his problem is. Just don't let his problems become yours.
He sounds broken. Leave it to the professionals to fix him and move on with your life.
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