A
female
age
41-50,
*inkerbell29
writes:I am a white british woman with 3 young children from a previous relationship. I am in a relationship with a black african man. We are very much in love and wish to marry,my family and friends accept our relationship as do my partners siblings and friends. However, his parents do not, when he recently brought up the subject of marriage to them they told him to end the relationship due to the fact that i am british and have children. We are still planning on marriage, however I do not want to be responsible for him arguing with his parents and would prefer it if they were to give us their blessing. I love my partner with all my heart and soul and cannot imagine my life without him,i would really appreciate any advice concerning this Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): How dare they! their living in our country yet don't want their son to marry an decent British girl he loves? Just ignore them, their being rasict and don't deserve the time.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): Go ahead and marry and get on with your life. You cannot live under a cloud and by demonstrating your loyalty to this man you love you will show them that they are being shortsighted in their attitude. Parents often want happiness for their children but on their terms, and in their control - unfortunately life isn't like this. They need to see their sons happiness and he needs to also support you in ensuring that you do not get treated like an outsider otherwise this rift could split your relationship in two. You need to stand firm, as a couple, and stay focused on what is good and great about all that you are. It is wonderful that your own family and friends are so supportive - and to be honest why would they not be. Love is love - who can say it is wrong? I hope things will improve for you but do not hold back on life - it is them that need to change.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): This is something which can be resolved with time and patience. They had expectations for their son, a woman of the same race and probably without children. You say they didn't like the fact you are British, but it is more probably because you are white - perhaps you're children are white and they are concerned that your children could be not perceived by others as belonging to both of you. This is a genuine concern that parents would have, but of course you mustn't let their feelings affect your relationship. You are lucky to have found each other, and a love which is strong enough for you both to contemplate marriage. You sound like a caring, strong lady, one I'm sure they will welcome to the family once they get to know you better. Now is the time for you to make that connection with them. If they live abroad, then write to them and send pictures of the children, talking of your feelings and how lucky you feel to have met their son. If they live in the same country, them that's even better - you can make casual visits to them with their son - and with your children - and it will be a matter of 'getting used to you'. As I said, stay patient and strong, don't let it get you down. You are both adults and he has shown his intentions to you by discussing marriage to you with his parents. Time is a great healer, so you just need to stay happy and focused and keep on constant contact with them. It's important for you to develop a relationship with them, and I wish you all the best X
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A
female
reader, tinkerbell29 +, writes (14 October 2007):
tinkerbell29 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thankyou
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (14 October 2007):
Hope they get used to you over time.
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