A
female
age
41-50,
*t a lose
writes:My fiance' and I have a blended family. We have 7 kids residing in our home. We have a wonderful relationship the two of us that is. However,sometimes the kids cause friction between us. Last year my 17 year old son and my fiance' couldn't see eye to eye. They appeared to run away from home just to avoid one another. Eventually, they overcame their differences. This year his 13 year old daughter has done and said any and everything to tear this family apart. From telling him she didn't want to live with him anymore if he married me. To making the other kids dislike one another. To making him feel guilty about working saying if he wasn't home she didn't want to be here. To trying to make him feel bad saying she miss how much fun they use to have when my family wasn't around. I love her like one of my own. I just can't have a 13 year old manipulating my household please help. My fiance' and I have a wonderful relationship together and can talk about anything.
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female
reader, At a lose +, writes (26 June 2013):
At a lose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe haven't always lived together. we haven't always had these issues. The issues occured 2 years later.I understand what you are saying but everyone else inn the home gets along wonderful. Her dad has had full custody of her for 8 years. Furthermore, I own the 5 bedroom home we live in.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2013): Probably an unpopular opinion, but it's terribly unfair of unmarried parents to force their children into a living situation requiring them to share intimate spaces with legal strangers (no relation by marriage, adoption, or blood), and I consider it egregiously bad judgment to allow an unrelated 17-year-old male and 13-year-old female to sleep under the same roof under any circumstances. They are not step-siblings in the eyes of the law, and they will probably never develop any type of sibling bond simply because their parents are now sleeping together. I can't blame his daughter for being upset; first her home was broken up out from under her when her parents split up and now her life has been further disrupted by the arrival of unwanted strangers moving into her home and intruding on her relationship with her father and siblings. You may love her like your own but from her perspective you are simply the random outsider with whom her father is sleeping, and as such you have no standing in her life nor is she under any obligation to have any type of relationship with you should she choose not to do so, which is her prerogative. You're her father's acquaintance, not hers, and she is as free to dislike you as her father is to dislike her friends. Technically speaking, you and your "fiancé" do not have a blended family: you're a woman with children currently shacking up with a man with children. Neither he nor his children are related to you and vice versa, and given your relatively late entry into his children's lives, they are never going to view you as any type of surrogate parent whether you ever marry their father or not. Not much you can do now, you and "fiancé" should have taken the time to thoroughly consider the ramifications before you decided to play house. I can only suggest you establish separate residences for your separate families so you can better plan and prepare for life as a truly blended family when you move in together AFTER the wedding.
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