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*eter6209
writes: Ok I have known this girl for a while, over 4 years, and we have dated for a little over 2 years, on and off, right now we are not together, we have had our bumps in the road, and we never broke it off cause of anything we did to each other, but cause of family issues especially on her side, and im not her race, or follow her religion. She comes from a religion and race that im ok with but her parents would have a problem with me. They never knew that me and her dated but know me from when their daughter and I worked together. But she gets confused and breaks up, but we still have a attraction and love for one another, and she seems confused, but she moved about an hour away to start her new job, and she is still living with family (btw, its kinda like lockdown, cant talk to men, cant go out.. etc) Anyways, we have been intimate, and talked about various things like marriage and children. but now she doesn't really want to talk about things like that, we have been "broken up" for about 3 months, but we still keep in contact regularly, she calls, emails, and asks me questions. I want to see her and be with her, cause i love her, but if im too clingy she backs off, i only get clingy with her when she starts acting a certain way. she tells me that it will never work out, but she still talks to me constantly, and we met each other 2 weeks ago and we were intimate. So i don't know what to do, or how to approach this? A long time ago, she did something similar and i just kinda gave her, her space, and didn't contact her really, and she came back to me, and told me she wanted me back. Even now she crys to me and tells me that im the only one who makes her feel good, and have treated her right, and that she can tell me everything (and OMG she can talk..lol) So i am very confused myself and do not know what to do! Please any advice helps ! Thank you ! Reply to this Question
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reader, peter6209 +, writes (23 May 2009):
peter6209 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the advice! Well I wish it was more simple as in talking to her mom, but the girl i was with always wants me not to deal with her mom. They are a muslim family and i am well, i am part indian and part just white. I dont really follow a religion specifically, my mom was more of a, well just kind of followed everything, we had a picture of jesus, and hindu gods, and Sikh gods.. so we learned about it all.
I have always asked to talk to her mom, but she has always told me "no, you can't." so I dont know. Before not too long ago, maybe 8 months ago, we had decided to maybe move out on our own, and then talk to her mom together, and I was all for that, but as the months went on she started to change her attitude and ultimatley told me in Feb, that we couldnt be together, but she still continues to call me, and of course we have been intimate, and sometimes she finally shows her feelings (sometimes she is very hard to talk to cause she wont talk about her feelings). When she shows her feelings, she will tell me she loves me, and how much i mean to her, and how i make her feel good. I have always tired, when shes down, i always try to bring her up. Now she seems she has accepted her "destiny" like she use to want to be with someone cause she loved them, now she seems ok with if her family wants to arrange her marriage. I dont know, I just go crazy thinking that, we are good for each other but its other peoples decisions coming into our lives.
Some of you have questioned our age, I am 25, she is 22...
Thank you all for your great advice, i will let you know how things are goin, if they are goin, lol...
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reader, DanniBaby  +, writes (23 May 2009):
Hey hunnii,
It sounds like your girlfriend is having mixed feeling when it comes to your relationship due to her parents feelings towards you both being together as a couple.
However this should not break you both apart, if you both love each other as much as you sound like to me, then you should not let anything get in your way.
Try getting to know her parents more, invite them round for dinner with your family and show her family that you are always there for your girfriend prove to them that you are the man for their daughter.
For you both to be happy you really need to make her parents accept you, otherwise it will just not work because at the end of the day they are her parents and she is forced to listen to their views too.
So just do whatever you possibly can in order to make her family realise that you are a good guy, no matter what it takes if you love this girl then im sure you can work something out :)
Make sure you inform your girlfriend that you will do whatever it takes to keep you both together and to make her family see what a good guy you are!
Good luck X
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reader, Jeebi +, writes (23 May 2009):
Hi Peter.
It's nice to hear that you're so caring and you seem to have a lot of respect for this girl. I agree with Heyleya in that your friend probably is under her parents control and feels she can't disrespect them.
It does seem a bit harsh that they're so controlling, you sound like a nice guy and i'm sure there's no real need for this... If she's technically old enough to make her own choices then maybe you ought to encourage her to voice her opinions, in a subtle way, depending on her age.
I suppose if she's made her mind up to just stay friends with you, then that is the best thing to do, providing you don't feel that she's messing you about and are willing to hold out.
It also has to be said that there is a possibilty that she's enjoying feeling wanted by you? Some people play mind games, you know? It's common in young people, in my experience at least.. Kind of a "tease" thing really..
I dare say that if you love each other things will happen for you. Perseverence may even win her parents over, people change. In reality, it's between you and her- not them, though their influence is clearly strong right now, it may eventually die down.
All the very best to you :) Really hope things work out for you both x
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reader, Krathor18 +, writes (23 May 2009):
 Ok my friend, i will do my best to help here, you are on a "time out" as it is called i believe, and you are from diffrent race and religion?? right well, you clearly love her, and she loves you, but her family do not like this, ok the best thing i suppose would be to stay friends for a while?? and see how that goes, because in a relationship you want to both feel comfy, and you really need to know if you love them or not, if things down work out, then in future, take the time to know the girl a bit, and makesure you are "compatible" before taking any steps, and being clingy is ok aslong is you control yourself, just explain its because you are showing her you love her, and your sorry it may freak her out a little, i wish you the best my friend, take care, Charlie.x.
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