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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello all. You have been a great help to me so far, so I have one final question: After a complete sham of a relationship has come to a very sticky end, how does someone regain self-esteem, confidence pride, dignity and self respect with no friends or cash, while trying to support an 8 year old daughter and has never had to do anything alone in their lives?I am petrified. Please: words of wisdom much needed right now thanks XXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2006): Pick a day and decide that what has happened to you will no longer affect you. Wake up and tell yourself you are not going to dwell on the past, but instead look to the future. Until this day, feel free to reflect on what has happened, but whatever you do, from the day you pick, you must not allow yourself to dwell on negative thoughts any longer.
It is these negative thoughts, not your past experiences that are producing your feelings of worthlessness right now. Break this cycle and put a line between the past and the present.
As amcfoxy said; look in to what the government offers to help you. A part time college course, or something similar to get yourself meeting new people. This is the best way to meet new people, and make new friends. I know your options are limited, but that doesn't mean you don't have any. It's a shame but government departments do not make it easy in telling people what facilities and options are available to them.
Concentrate on being a good mother for your 8yr old, this and the above advice will go a long way to develop your self-confidence and in turn you will feel a more worthwhile person. You can get through this, you just need to believe in yourself. Good luck.
A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (22 May 2006):
 Hello there,
You poor soul. I am on the brink of going down the same path you are now embarking on too. I am too petrified of starting again and getting back my independence and self-esteem and all the rest of it, because up until now we both have had someone to help us up when we fall.
I know you are wanting words of wisdom and for something just to 'click' inside you that will tell you that you will be okay. YOU WILL BE OKAY. Life is about not knowing, having to change, making the most of every moment without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.
Right now you have to concentrate on finding things that make you happy, for yourself as well as your daughter. If your daughter sees that you are really really struggling with things, then chances are she will become worried about you and not completely enjoy her days. Are you close with your family? Are they there for you right now? You say you have no friends, but when something like this happens you need to have people around you who love you and to help you get back on your feet. So that's why i'm hoping you have close family members who can support you.
Take one day at a time. Every single day try to notice something beautiful about yourself and about the world around you. When you are with your daughter, ask her to point out things she likes and encourage her to talk about what makes her happy and relish in that - because if you pour all your energies into your daughter, then her happiness will rub off on you.
When you're ready, join a group of some sort so you can meet new people and move forward, but right now the most important thing is to heal yourself. And you can only do that with the help of your daughter and hopefully your family. Engross yourself in books, every Sunday spend the whole day painting hundreds of pictures on the living-room floor with your daughter and stick them all around the house to be a constant reminder to you of the love you share with her, and most importantly, as hard as it is, try not to look back and think of the things you should have / shouldn't have done. Remember, you can't get lost on a straight road, so enjoy exploring the new bends that have opened up before you.
You will be okay, and we are all here to help you through the bad days, hell i'm probably going to need it soon too.
Take care of yourself xx
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A
female
reader, amcfoxy +, writes (22 May 2006):
 i did it it with 2 sons ,i now work in an office,get working tax credits and child tax credit and now am a good example for my kids to follow,as for love you get that when you least expect it,you have to love your self first too.
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