A
male
age
41-50,
*annyboy77
writes:Hi all, I would like to get some feedback on this one.. 3 months back I met this girl. We met for drinks and it was all fun.. From the beginning she insisted that we would be casual. For me this was all good. I was badly burned before so being 'friends with favours' sounded ideal especially since i was not sure how i felt about her. So on we went. Meeting every so often. having great fun, great sex.. Shes a foreign girl living in my city and was out to enjoy herself. A while back she told me that she was going away for a few weeks and that i could meet other girls if i wanted. By this stage i had fallen for her and shrugged it off. I did not want to appear needy. So she arived back on the scene and over the past few weeks we have being seeing a lot of each other. Nothing was really said about our 'status' but for all intents and purposes we were going out. We were getting on great and it all seemed really relaxed and cool. Anyway i met her last saturday and she said she had something to tell me...She had been out with people from work. Had a few drinks and ended up having sex with a guy who has being chasing her. She said she felt terrible, left straight away and wanted to tell me asap. I was stunned but out of bravado i shrugged it off. no big deal as we were always 'friends with favours' weren't we? A few days before she did this there had been a small incident. We failed to use precaution and i had to go get the morning after pill which is no small feat in my country. She was upset but i managed to calm her down and take care of everything. We sort-of bonded over this crisis. I thought all was good. Then 2 nights later she has sex with another guy.I realise that i can't take the high moral ground here. I had a chat with her earlier and told her how i felt. That even though we were not exclusive i was not happy with what happened. She seemed genuinely regretful over it. She realised that we were seeing more and more of each other and had developed a bond. She said she wanted to tell me immediately and respects that i confronted her about it as it could fester otherwise. She says it was a big mistake and she realises she wants to be with me.We left and it was all good. I had a plan to dump her but did not go ahead with it. Its such a grey area and i'm still confused. Technically she did no wrong but that does not really sit well with me.. We were not exclusive but were seeing each other very often. I just can't get the image of the 2 of them together out of my head. I don't want to be made a fool of again but she seemed so genuine...I really like this girl but don't want be burned again.Should i let it go and move on or end it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): Thanks for that guys!
Just to clarify - she only 'strayed' once.
The whole 'fuck buddy' concept is such a grey area with many pitfalls.
If she was really into me she would be my girlfriend i think.
She said at the beginning that i would be a 'bad' boyfriend so we were just casual. Like a test drive i guess..
However by coming to me with this she is acknowledging that there is more to us than just sex.
She seems to geuninely regret it and came to me asap.
I am still hurt though.
We were not exclusive but still.. its not cricket!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): fully agree with honeypie on your situation.
regret is an emotion that is too easy to fake, imo. however the honesty is in your favor.
personally, if she felt so terrible the first time why would she go and do it a second? if she felt bad the first time, by regretting and feeling terrible, she has acknowledged to you that the relationship is more than just casual, no real "violations" have taken place here --given the circumstances, and as far as my view on whats going on.
fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me
best of luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 June 2009):
 I think you need to be totally honest with er as far as what you want,expect, hope, wish as far as her and you. Be honest. You don't want to be friends-with-benefits and there is nothing wrong in that, UNLESS she isn't ready for a "real" relationship.
And honey, use protection.. every time, til you are ready to be a daddy/husband.
If you want a relationship and she just wants a "fuck-buddy" (pardon my French) then I think you need to let her go. You seem to be ready for more. Don't let the fear of mayby, potetially being burned hold you back. That will burn you even more.
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