A
female
age
51-59,
*axy
writes:I have been calling on a 49 year old man for a few months most weekends. To start with he adamantly pushed me away. He has never had a relationship before. He has a dependant sister a few years older than himself. Both parents dead. He has slowly let me into his life. We have kissed and cuddled and talked lots. Last Friday we got quite intimate but not to full sex. He has pushed me away again saying how can he tell his sister and he can't give me what I want and it's too much change for him.what on earth should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): Don't waste your time with this guy. The first requirement you should have for a partner is to be available.He told you that he is not into relationships, meaning he is NOT AVAILABLE. I don't care what the circumstances or excuses are, the reslult will be the same: You are going to get your heart broken.
A golden rule: Stay away from people who are not AVAILABLE.
If you are prone to choosing unavailable partners, you need to take do some introspection and find out why you use unavailable partners. Are you unconsciously trying to protect yourself from true intimacy?
I suggest you find a loving relationships in which you love your partner not because you feel sorry for him, but because he is fullfilling your emotional needs.
A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (28 November 2008):
Honey, he is 49 years old and he has NEVER had a relationship. He has told you he can't give you what you want, and it's too much for him. You don't seem to be listening. Forget about the sister, she's just an excuse - a brick in the wall so to speak.
The bigger question is why are you pursuing a man who pushes you away, is clearly unable and uninterested in a relationship and incapable of intimacy? Are you out to save him? Win him over? Somehow be that one special woman who finally breaks down his defenses?
Real love is about accepting other people as they are - not trying to change them. He said no. Can you accept and respect that? Or do you just want what you want?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): Dear Poster
No matter how difficult this might be, you have to let go; the more you are going to get involved with this guy the more you are going to get hurt; this guy obviously have a priority and that is his sister; even if he did venture into a relationship with you it will cause you great frustration and unhappiness as his sister will be his first priority. I think you need to "back off"; it is sad and I wish I could give you advice to make things work but unfortunately I have to warn you, the red lights are flashing here;
He might be very fond of you too and might want a relationship but his moral obligation towards his sister will always be between you. It will be like be in a relationship and always having a 3rd person around. Please respect his feelings and his dilemma and give him the freedom and space to deal with his priorities. He is not only thinking of himself but is caring enough about you to protect you from getting hurt. Respect him for that; he could easily have taken advantage of the situation and you could get hurt very much. Let go of this one! No matter how difficult!
I do hope you will meet somebody that will give you the love and support that you deserve.
Best wishes and lots of smiles.
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