A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First I'm sorry this question is so long~!I'm thinking or starting to go out with this guy. He's amazing in every way and so special, he's really sweet, generous and just a good person. He wants the same type of future I'm looking for and wants a loving s/o, travel, to have kids...etc. It almost seems perfect...But he kind of has low confidence, he says he's bad in bed and always makes jokes about it, hinting to me that I'd probably be disappointed and that he's "short" which I don't care.. it's the personality I go for. He also before he met me did a lot of E... as in was a complete etard. I've tried it once with him but he seems to do it somewhat regularly not like before but he said he could stop if I wanted him tothe biggest thing thats bothering me though is the fact that he's good friends with all his ex girlfriends..he says nothing would ever happen and he wouldn't date them again but he's to nice a guy and I think he's a bit oblivious..one he knows really wants him back (his last ex) he was really hung up on her when I first met him which was about a couple-few months ago and she came up to see him recently in which she was trying to get back with him and jumped on him hugging when she first saw him he said during the time he saw her he made it clear to her they're nothing and made a couple of harsh jokes to get his point across (but hes to nice his version of harsh is nothing.. . ) also he knows another girl through online and talks to her about EVERYTHING ...they're best friends and bf/gf online he said it's because I had said no to him before (i didn't feel the same way about him at the time and was hung up on another guy)they have inside jokes..he has a special ring tone with her, and on his page online its full of stuff about them being together and in love blah blah blahYet he wants to be with me so much more.. or so he claims and that she was basically a backup. I know if I do date him though he's still going to talk to her, they text... she calls him and they have random talks at 3am etc.and I just don't think i can deal with it...I want to because i don't want to miss out on something great we could have but this is really getting to meI would definitely go out with him if it weren't for these things I just don't trust him with her....or rather I trust him but he's too nice and I don't trust the girls....at all~!His ex's are his friends and want him back.. there's this girl and every time I see his or her page online it makes me feel sick and absolutely terrible, as if I'm getting played and it really hurts because he's made me start to fall for him hard and I don't know what to do..should I just back off.*??.. I'm 18, he's 20, she's 22
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): Dear Poster
I can understand your feelings but there is no easy solution to this situation. You don't want him to think you are jealous or insecure but he needs to know how you feel.
I suggest you have a heart to heart chat to him; tell him how you feel about his friendship with his ex girlfriends and that you really don't feel comfortable being in a relationship with him whilst knowing they all want him back etc; be honest to him about this online girl and ask him to be honest with the other girl and to tell her about you; if this guy feels for you and really care he will respect your feelings and your wishes; if he is not prepared to give you more security and cut ties with the online girl or to at least tell her about you; well you don't want to be the shadow in his life do you?
No, either you are his number one and he respects your feelings and he tells these girls about you and he limits his contact with them or you will have to find another guy.
Sorry, but if he is really totally "into" you he will want to make you happy; however, you need to communicate your feelings to him; he cannot guess that it is troubling you.
Best wishes; lots of smiles and keep us posted.
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