A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was talking to my husband and walking into our "home" office and approaching his back as he was sitting at the computer avidly staring at a young, single woman advertising herself as available on match.com. Above the video of her self-interview/monologue was the heading: Singles in Colorado Springs. We just moved to Colorado several weeks ago. I was not as angry as I was tired of this bullsh** as I had seen the match.com advertisements parade themselves on my husbands AT and T my yahoo page and his Google page with the heading: Singles in Paso Robles. Okay, I'm tired of wondering about this. Isn't it obvious that he is checking out match.com if these types of ads are displayed with the names of the cities we live in, or is this as he claims: a fluke? If that is the case, why am I not receiving match.com ads? I have made every effort to be open and understanding, but I am just simply tired of this behavior. I would love to be in love with a kind and respectful man. I'm beginning to not have much feeling for my husband because of the way he shouts and gets into my space and face when I point blankly ask him what's going on. Help me put this into perspective, please???? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone who has taken the time to answer my question and also thank you all for clarifying some of my confusion and easing my pain and yes, anger. Every answer had elements that strongly resonated with me and I heed your advice and your concern with the utmost respect. I appreciated the details with which YOS answered so promptly, and this has helped me to understand that singles ads are pretty much everywhere. I also feel strongly about the details of our locations... why doesn't it say available single women would like to meet you from Timbuktu? LOL, it was funny when I was typing it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): You are wise. Go with your gut on this one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUnbelievable help in such a short amount of time. I thank you all for your concern and each of you had incredible answers. Yes, I believe that when we go online we can be tracked and that my husband will receive these singles' ads where-ever he decides to live; however, I also believe that he clicked on them in interest or onto a porn-site to enable this type of action. We have issues mainly because I am always willing to confront what is bothering me and ask questions and try to resolve or find solutions to any problems or difficulties, my husband would rather not talk about issues or bring things to the table that may bother him as well... sort of stick your head in the sand, sweep it under the rug type of thing and any problem is no problem --- poof! -vanished! -Gone!!! does not exist....
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): Yos, you're a wealth of information--thank you!!!
I have gotten pop-ups and singles ads featuring men "that want to meet you in blahcity, blahstate" because I went on a search for a high school friend and had to create a profile on a search service. I experimented, to be sure the BF wasn't up to something while my yahoo was logged on (the ads only come up when I'm logged onto yahoo), I changed my yahoo profile to make me a young male (LOL) and all the ads changed to women wanting to date me.
STILL, if there are other signs that something is wrong (distance, coldness, critical comments constantly about you and to you), I'd be concerned about what might be about to go on.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 I have to completely disagree with the response below! COMPLETELY!!!
I work in advertising and web design. We can tell where your computer is connected to the Internet, and target the ads acordingly. Most of the dating sites do it. That's why the ad was localized to your town. It's trivially easy for an advertiser to do.
We also profile users and target types of ads at them. Something that your husband has done in the past has triggered a flag that means now wherever he goes online, these kinds if ads will follow him. The ad networks span most major sites, so you can see the same ads in many different places.
When you are online you are not anonymous. We know where you are and what you are doing. This is because the sites you visit sell us this information. How do you think the sites can be free otherwise? This is big business, for example it is why Google is so rich.
What might he have seen to trigger the dating ads? Probably he did a few porn searches, or clicked on some porn that was put under his nose. Thats a common trigger for dating ads. But it could easily be something else: it depends how match.com run their algorithm. So don't assume it's because he did something 'bad'.
Either way, now you know how it works. It would be shame to divorce the guy because you didn't understand how targeted banner advertising works online, wouldn't it?
It does sound like you have issues in you marriage you need to work on. You seem to have lost trust. Is it something your husband has done. Or perhaps not done? Or are you feeling less attractive? Or lacking in intimacy?
You need to get to the root of it rather than accusing your husband of stuff randomly based on jealous suspicions. That's just going to upset him, which is probably exactly the opposite of what you want to achieve?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): I see the ads when i use my pc but individual singles dont come up with their details. Nor do matches appear tailored to where i live. So its a pretty safe bet that he puts in his location and searchs for singles in your area. The fact that he defends himself aggressively is a red flag. If you want some idea of his online activity without too much snooping. Go to the popular free online dating sites, enter any email addresses he uses, then click on forgotten password. If he is registered with them, a message will appear saying an email has been sent with his log in details. If he isnt registered, you will see a message telling you that the email address you entered cant be found on the sites data base. There is also the facility to search for members on some sites by email address. So you could try entering his email addresses once youve got a positive on any sites you research. Hope that helps
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): Your fading feelings toward him... keep them fading... because you'll need the momentum as you divorce him... seriously, he is looking for someone to cheat with, if he has not cheated already... and to be so rude and disrespectful to you when you confront him, further means that he has no scruples and will only continue to pursue this no matter what.... I suggest you find ways of monitoring him... on the computer, on his cell phone, bank accounts, away from home... even pay undercover investigator.... then once you have amassed the evidence against him... slap him with an expensive divorce he will never forget... this man is a scumbag, just based on what you have told us here.
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