A
female
age
36-40,
*il-lem
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. We have lived together (rented) for two years and have two cats together. We have the same friends and our families love us.I have been feeling uncertain about us for about 5 months and now it's getting worse. I hate any kind of sexual advance, I have told him and he says when I'm ready but after a few days he really wants it so I agree but just 'switch off' I think want to be on my own for a while but with the house (we have 8 months left on a 12 month contract) and the cats and the fact that I DO love him is making it so hard. I would also stop seeing our friends as I don't want to put them in an awkward position and make them feel like they have to choose between us. My last breakup was bad (I cheated and made sure he found out so he would finish with me, we are still friends somehow!) He is my first serious relationship and he loves me to pieces (I love him too, but I think it is as a friend now). I know ending it would hurt him so much and I don't want that. I just want to be friends. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated, I am in a real mess over it :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dandy  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 i don't know what to say, i don't know how to begin..i mean 3 years uff ..all your memories together all your times together..every bad or good moments you've shared together..it certainly would be like the end of the world if you say to him that you want to cut it out..but in the end it's your life if you see that this isn't right you go and talk to him about everything..tell him about how you'r feeling..don't just tell him that i don't wanna be more than friends and just walk away forgetting all these years you've passed together..because this would be so wrong..i mean you have to respect those 3 years..oh and about your friends you don't have to put them in an awkward position and make them feel like you have to choose between us,i mean they could be your friend and his at the same time, no??..hope that everything would be fine soon..and hope that i've gived you the perfect advice..Am and sorry if i didn't help you enough !!
dandy..
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (27 June 2008):
 If you are not in love with him then you need to let him know as it is not fair to him. You are obviously unhappy and if you feel that you cant get this relationship back on track then you will have to call it a day. Look into the terms of your lease to see if you have a way out of it. Or one of you stay and take on a temporary lodger until the contract ends if you cannot afford it on your own. As for the cats then you will just have to make the decision between you. You both deserve happiness even if it means a bit of hurt in the short term x Good luck
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