A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:heyyy (:ok, so there's this boy i really like, and we admitted we liked each other quite a while back now, and ever since then we've been acting pretty much like we're going out.because we go to different schools, i don't see him that often, but when i do see him, which is usually every other saturday, we act like normal, kissing and cuddling, and we're really close.the only thing that's bothering me is the fact that i don't know where we stand. he told me a while ago that he doesn't want a girlfriend because he's been really hurt in the past, and cheated on and he doesn't want it to happen again, and i accepted his reasoning... but we act like boyfriend and girlfriend, just without the official titles. i don't know whether or not i'm supposed to be faithful, because even though we act like boyfriend and girlfriend, we're not. i like him alot, so i don't really flirt or like other boys, because in my mind i am commited to him, but i'm not sure he feels the same.some of my friends have assumed he's using me. that he's getting all the good stuff out of a relationship, without having to commit to one. and although i know all that they're saying is true, i feel so close to him, and he's so lovely to me, i cant imagine him ever thinking like that. although it kind of hurts, because i feel like he doesn't trust me not to cheat on him, or hurt him. i don't know what to do. i like him so much, but should i carry on with him if he doesn't want to commit? i can't imagine what i'd be like without him... he's not only the boy i like, but he's also one of my best friends.
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male
reader, xnickx  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 Explain your feelings to him, basically say this to him.
Tell him it hurts that after all this, he doesnt trust you enough to commit to you.
The easiest way to make him commit is to give him a choice. Either he commits to a relationship, or he has to stay friends--and just that. No cuddling, no kissing, no boyfriend/girlfriend stuff.
If he isn't using you, he should have no problem committing as any guy that wouldnt be using you would have built emotional ties by now that would hurt him if you left.
If he is using you, then he'll only stay friends, but thats okay. It will save you the trouble of getting hurt down the road, and will let you find someone else.
Best of luck
xnickx
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