A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 4 years, lived with him for 8 and known him for 30 years. After we got married he wouldn't even hold my hand much less have sex with me but he has made sure that my son and I have a roof over our head and food in our mouths but yet, he also started bashing (NOT physically, mentally)my son when he was about 9 years old calling him names like braindead and f...ing pr..k. So it hasn't been a marriage made in heaven. Before we even got married I started working with a man, whom is also married. He and I had become best friends. Yes, he did make a lot of advances towards me but I knew (or thought) that he was completely in love with his wife so I blew off the advances thinking he is just a flirtatious person (which he was known to be). Within 2 years I gradually became very comfortable with him (and his advances). And still during the whole time I loved my husband and would NOT go astray. Yeah right! The other man started telling me he was in love with me and I wouldn't hear of it! He started promising me that we are going to be together some day, again I would not hear of it. How stupid did he think I was? I know for a fact that men never leave their wives for the other woman! So I tried like hell to keep my heart out of it. Now we have been seeing each other for 3 years (that's after the initial 2 years of me fighting his advances) and I fell! Damn it! I fell hard! Still, never believing that we could be together and tried many times to make him leave but he won't. He says he just can't leave his wife right now. Yeah! For 3 years he has said that, "can't right now". Once again, how stupid does he think I am?!!!! Today, I finally told him (again) NOT to call me or attempt to see me anymore and when he said "I'll talk to you later", I told him, "no, you won't, goodbye"... because he would never say goodbye when he left because to him goodbye is permanant. I asked him to do it for me, cause he keeps saying how much he loves me and he doesn't want to let me go. So if he loves me, he should let me go, right? I hope this time he understands. But, I have a feeling he will walk into my shop again this afternoon. How do I fight this?
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male
reader, Thalor +, writes (1 October 2008):
I've been looking into this subject a lot lately. My ex has gotten involved with a MM and is completely infatuated with him. It has only been going on for a month but it has all of the classic signs of an affair.
The most important thing I've learned from the countless women who have experienced the same thing you have is, you deserve better. You deserve someone who can give you the love and attention you deserve. As long as he is still with his wife, even if he is miserable, he can't give that to you. If he truly wanted out of the relationship he would have done so already. Maybe he has gotten stuck in a rut and stays for convenience but it doesn't change the fundamental fact that he hasn't left his wife for you. Just as I've been trying to convince my ex you need to set a firm "leave the wife" date. Make it for a couple of months for now and don't tell him about. If he can't leave his wife on his own then move on and find someone who will give you the love you deserve.
It will be painful but once you do end it cut off all contact with him. Don't let him draw you back into the miserable arrangement that led you to post on this website in the first place. Time heals all wounds.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs it at all possible that maybe "the other man" DOES love me and really just has no idea HOW to get away or get out of the life that he has with his wife. They fight ALL of the time. SHE has threatened to divorce him at least 5 times in the last 3 years. Maybe he REALLY DOES love me. I mean, otherwise, why does he keep trying sooooo hard and won't let go of me?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, my son is now almost 15. And he isn't so much into spending time with his mom anymore. I don't have any friends or family to move in with. And I absolutely know that I don't NEED a man to validate me. But the thing is...my business has gone belly up (flooding on the Mississippi and I own a bait shop)and I am closing my doors in a couple of weeks so will not have ANY income. I am not looking for "the other man" to validate me either. It's just I am sooooo in love with him and it hurts so bad to let him go and of course he keeps telling me he doesn't want to lose me, my heart is so broken. But I do know that I will get over it in time IF HE would get the hell out of my life. I really appreciate your comment and it does help for someone to validate the fact that I AM doing the right thing. Thank you.
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A
female
reader, clueless18  +, writes (26 September 2008):
hey anon i hope i can help,
first of all you should be very very proud of yourself for taking those first few steps, your right you do need to get away from this man...tbh both of these men. my mum spent her entire life searching for the perfect "father figure" for me and tbh i think wed be alot closer now if shed just spent that time with me.
I knwo its hard to be on your own but maybe after the hetic couple of years youve had you should concentrate on your son. and enjoy your time with him. Is there nowhere you could stay with family or a friend? purge these men from your life...you dont need them to validate you. the only opinion you should care about is that little 9 year old boyof yours :)
your husbands agression will only get worse and that man may or may not let you down but with all your sons been through atm do you really want to take that risk???
please just let them go, and watch him grow for a couple of years...you wont be alone :)
x
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