A
female
age
41-50,
*ugar01
writes:I have been dating this guy for 4 years now. He was newly divorced when we first got together. I love him and he is good to me but when we get into an argument he talks to me like I am stupid and then he always threatens to leave. Sometimes he does leave for the night. I have told him that him doing this makes me insecure and it feels like our relationship is not stable. He promised to never do it again but he always does. Is there anyone who can tell me how to get him to stop doing this before it ruins my outlook on our relationship??
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (6 August 2009):
You've told him not to do it again and he has. You have done exactly nothing. So he's going to carry on and on knowing you'll put up with it and then he can get his own way.
If you want this to stop then tell him that if he does it again it's over. Then here's the hard part. If he does it again, you end it and you walk away from him.
If you take him back after that then he will walk all over you for ever more.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): I had an ex who used to do this, its so immature. The bad thing about him was that he would start these fights with me so he could leave and go do what he wanted (usually with another woman- found that out later ) and then I would always make up with him. I finally had enough and when he threatened me I told him to leave and to please not come back that I was tired of this game. I held my ground and then he was begging to come back. We eventually parted as friends and then ten years later he admits what he was up to. I also had another guy do that and i started leaving. I would actually leave my own house, turn the phone off and ignore him. I don't suggest playing games. He can only do to you, what you allow him to do. You are not stupid, don't let him make you feel stupid. You obviously care and he just doesn't get it. The sad thing is that you will eventually get tired of it, dump him and then he will figure it out. You will find someone who is worthy of you, someone who will make you feel good about yourself - not stupid, someone who is man enough to stay and work through your problems. Maybe you should have a heart to heart with him and tell him you expect him to act like a mature adult, communicate and work through your problems,not leave. Tell him that if he can't do this then stop wasting your time.
You are the only one who can stop him. You have to decide if this man is worth it.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (6 August 2009):
 Your partner sounds like he has his own issues going on, maybe he cannot deal with the arguement so he feels he needs to leave, although he returns to you after.
I think you need to be patient with him, because as you say other times he is good for you.
It could be he runs away because its all a bit too much stress for him to deal with at times.
I think you should both sit down and discuss what should happen the next time you argue.
maybe you should tell him to walk away from the argument until he calms down then comes to you and talk
(-so he doesnt just talk before he thinks and makes you feel stupid again)
communication and honesty is the key here, and every couple argue, but the main thing is you work it out together and want to be together.
Good luck!
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