A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello:)Recently I've been having some problems in my relationship. It started when I started to feel a bit taken for granted, all me and my boyfriend did was sit in at mine or his, and then go out with friends, which I love doing... But sometimes it's nice to feel special! I haven't been lately as I've been feeling this way but I used to cook him meals at mine (I'm 18 he's 21, we both live with out parents) and I buy nice underwear and always try to impress him! He spent a year trying to get with me, and was so romantic and I feel like now he's 'got' me he feels like he doesn't have to try!! Now... I told him how I felt and he did genuinely start to treat me a bit better, for about a month... Then it went back to normal. But this time I was quite annoyed and got really upset with him, so I feel like I've been bit mean lately, and always having a go, but I just feel a bit frustrated with him :( Also, lately I feel as if I've got quite jealous and paranoid... I have been cheated on in the past, and recently I have been feeling quite neglected my my parents, my dad has always been rubbish but lately it's been worse and my mum kicked me out for something so small, and my friend said that when you lose trust in people close to you... You can push other people that re close to you away? Maybe it's that?...I've just been getting jealous when he talks to other girls, and I didn't want to say anything but he knew something was up so kept nagging me to tell him and I said that I felt like he was flirting with this girl tonight, a girl who I know but has just come in the friendship group recently, been out about three times with us, and when we were out he walked up to her at the bar and started chatting (then got a drink), and a couple of times when I walked in he room from being outside they were chatting... I have no idea if I'm being irrational, and if so why as I'm not usually like this! and know I feel insanely stupid that he thinks I'm this kind of girl!!!don't know if this will have much to do with it but I have the implant contraception, and a lot of people say that makes you go a bit west!!! Thank you so much in advance!!!! Xxxxxxxxx
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female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (30 May 2013):
 Implanon. Yes, I've heard of that.
I'm sorry to hear that you and your boyfriend have reached this rut. My boyfriend and I were stuck in this too, where we just kind of got too comfortable and didn't try to woo each other anymore. So we talked and are now making it a point to do things for each other, little things. He brings me flower or a surprise. I surprise him with something he's been wanting or a romantic dinner when he gets home and it's like we've been re-dating each other and it feels wonderful. Have you and your man tried this?
As for the being paranoid. All of us get jealous. I especially got jealous when my bf and I first got together, especially when he would talk to a girl for a long time or buy her a drink. I grew up in a home where we didn't express feelings or discuss things. So one night I finally blew up at him for talking to another girl.
He knows my background so he understood and was very calm. He told me he loves me and is only with me. He was trying to be nice because one of his friends likes her and he was getting to know her. He told me he'd stop talking to her or take me with her when they talk and I said that's okay. Just a little paranoid. He has reinforced and proven to me everyday that I am his one and only.
You should talk to your man and tell him you want to date him like you did when you were first together. If you want the relationship to last you have to remember why you are with that person and show them that you love them and only want to be with them.
As for the implanon, I personally haven't used that method of birth control but the friends that do have it, had it taken out within the first three to four months because of all the complications. I had the Mirena IUD in and it gave me all sorts of problems; depression, paranoia, mood swings up and down all the time. It was like I was a completely different person.
I really hope this helps you in some way. Good luck to you and do some research on the implanon and see if you would rather have it removed. I had mine removed and I feel a lot better!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): "Also, lately I feel as if I've got quite jealous and paranoid... I have been cheated on in the past, and recently I have been feeling quite neglected my my parents, my dad has always been rubbish but lately it's been worse and my mum kicked me out for something so small, and my friend said that when you lose trust in people close to you... You can push other people that re close to you away? Maybe it's that?..."
I apologize if I offended you. I based my answer on what you
wrote in your post as quoted above.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo largentsgirl189 it's a form of contraceptive, which goes in the arm and lasts for three years. I've heard stories of people getting anxiety and paranoia with it, which I too had for the first year of having it but stupidly I've just stuck it out and kept it in.and to wise owl...how you can say things like that without knowing the full story is beyond me, I don't feel comfortable saying more about my family life because I'm not writing about my abusive family. I'm writing about my relationship atm...You're making out I'm in the wrong because I feel under appreciated, and because I felt like that, I noticed him talking to another girl and if I wasn't feeling this way then maybe I wouldn't have even noticed.I speak ill of everyone in my life? I speak ill of my parents, and I'm upset with my boyfriend... That's not speaking ill of everyone in my life. I'm not trying to justify myself I know I'm a good person, I do loads of charity work, counselling with abused children twice a week I don't get paid for, all this is, is me writing a post on advice for my relationship as I feel taken for granted.'He may not have money to buy you things' he is unemployed, he doesn't buy me anything and I have never been interested in material things. A cuddle, or a walk is amazing, maybe a text to say he loves me, or better in person just to give me some love! I honestly don't care about stuff like that, presents are for people who can't give you their time.hope I didn't come across in this post like I was being funny with you because I wasn't xxx
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (29 May 2013):
What do you mean implant contraceptive?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2013): I'm not going to over-look your behavior and put it all on your boyfriend as you have. First of all, there will be times that he can't wow you every second of the day.You are having family issues and placing a lot of pressure on him to take up the slack. To constantly go out of his way to cheer you up and make you feel "special." Maybe he's running out of ideas, but it really isn't his fault.You speak terribly of your parents and got kicked out. That doesn't reflect very well upon you. There is a problem in there somewhere, and I wouldn't blame your boyfriend for looking at other girls who make going out more fun. He doesn't have to consistently put on a performance to please you. He is no substitute for your family. He is your support system outside of your family. Your complaining and bitterness is driving him away. It has nothing to do with not trusting him. You are angry and in the midst of a family crisis. There are no details, so what they are is anyone's guess.You behaved as a spoiled child about your boyfriend speaking to another girl. Did you forget you said he doesn't do enough to make you feel special? That makes boys feel unappreciated, and they go to girls who do appreciate them. You behave badly toward him and I'm calling you on it. He isn't a magician, and can't make all your problems disappear. You should always be kind to people and appreciative. He may not have the money to always buy you gifts, and sometimes a smile and a kiss is all you need. How can anyone makeup for your unhappy family life? He started chatting with another girl because he can't seem to please you. You're a lot of work. Your jealousy is just another problem you need to work on. You are both just young people experiencing your first love. It isn't always fireworks and valentines.You speak ill of everyone in your life. I'm certain your conflict at home is reflected in your moods. Not only how you behave around your boyfriend, but everyone around you. Your friend was helping you to figure out "your" behavior. She was trying to tell you the problem is with you, and trying not to hurt your feelings. WiseOwlE knows a little something about young people and human behavior. I see things in your post that says things are happening that are too much for you to handle without professional counseling. You are not able to deal with any relationship with a boy right now. The help you're crying out for can't be provided by an 18 year-old kid.You offer some story about your boyfriend chatting with a girl to justify your acting out, and throwing a tantrum; because you were upset. No matter what he did that night, you were angry and had to strike out at someone. He was the unfortunate target. You were too busy being a little diva.You described your father as "rubbish?" Too bad your parents and your boyfriend didn't write this post. I'm sure there is a story to be told and there are many missing details. I know you're unhappy, but your boyfriend is only a kid and he can't replace what you're missing at home. It isn't his responsibility and he doesn't know how. I also know you're just a young girl, and it's difficult when things are screwed up around you; and no one seems to have the answers to fix them.I think he should breakup with you and move on. He is too young to deal with how you behave or the problems affecting you. You are special, and it's too bad you don't hear that coming from your mum and dad. They are being so hard on you and I wish I knew the reasons; so I could help you more. I think you need to make up with your parents, and find out what it is you're doing that upsets them to the degree that they would go so far as to throw you out of the house. Your boyfriend is not your problem. You have serious family problems that may require some counseling.If you would try to reconcile your differences with your parents, you will purge a lot of the anger built up inside you. You need to repair your relationship with your family. If there is something that you're doing to make both of them so angry with you, you need to work those things out.If they are just being abusive to you, then by all means notify family services to seek counseling, help, and protection. They have no right to throw you out with no place to go and no means of supporting yourself.Please let us know more details about why you're not getting along with your parents. The agony aunts may be able to help.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 May 2013):
I don't know about the other girl, but he is definitely taking you for granted. A relationship is like a living thing: it needs fuel to survive and grow. Things such as flowers, little gifts, romantic gestures, dates, etc, help your love to grow. Without them it withers away.
Remind him of this and don't feel guilty for doing so. Should you have to? No, but sometimes it's just something you have to do for the sake of the relationship.
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