A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. I'm having a real problem at work at the moment. I've been working at this company for nearly 5 years. A couple of years ago a new guy joined and he had a wife and two daughters. To cut a long story short I grew closer to this guy and eventually we started seeing each other on the quiet. He and I are now living together in a rented house just to test the waters so to speak. We are both separated and in the process of filing for divorce. I have no children, incidentally. Anyway, like any company, the office is full of attractive guys coming and going. There's one guy who I've always liked (who joined the company before I did) who is not married but has a boy and a girl. In the past year his demeanour towards me changed from being friendly and smiley to being friendly and flirtatious. Then, all of a sudden he asked me out via e-mail. I was really taken aback by this, not least since I thought that everyone knew that I was seeing this other guy. Anyway, the 'surprise' guy went to ground for a while before dropping me a note to say that he had deep feelings for me but realised I didn't feel the same way and that he would not contact me again unless there was a business need. This was basically a 'goodbye' note. Since then (August 2008) we said hello once in the corridor but nothing more. I sometimes take a little look at him when I'm coming back from the coffee machine and I know that he is still hurting...I just know. It's been really tough because he had a birthday recently and I felt that I could not wish him a happy birthday in case he should think this is a 'come on'. Last week I learned that he has just been made redundant and that he will be leaving in a few months' time. I don't feel guilty but I do feel really sorry for him, and yet I cannot talk to him since this show of sympathy might be seen by my boyfriend as being a step too far. He's an attractive guy, though. I'm just wondering what to do when the day finally comes when he leaves the company. Although he said 'goodbye' in that letter to me I never responded to his letter and although much time has passed since we last spoke I get the feeling that we cannot talk to each other since we would only pick-up where we left off. So basically there's an attractive guy who has feelings for me who not only feels he cannot speak to me anymore, but also this guy has just been made redundant. He must be feeling so low. I'd love to give him a big hug but I don't think that would be a good idea 'cos I think I might start crying and to be honest I think he might, too.So, should I leave him alone, given that he has already said his goodbyes in that note, or should I bid him farewell in person when the time comes? Can I hug him or is this disloyal? He has suffered so much, I can barely imagine the turmoil he must be going through....Thank you for any advice...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): I would just get him a card and say what you need to say to clear your consious. Tell him how you feel. It will make both of you feel better.
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