A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and a half and we love each other... in our relationship we both found out we are very jealous people when it comes to the opposite sex with each other. well the other day i found porn on his phone... and he told me he never wanted to look at another girl that way let alone porn. we do have sex a lot. which i do not get why he looks at it. i even send him pictures of me. he said he has only did it that one time and didnt get hard off it but i find that hard to believe. i know a lot of guys do look at it and its normal but i dont believe in looking at it especially in a relationship and he would be mad to if i went and looked at it... so why did he think it was ok for him? i do everything i can to please him. but i feel like im not enough. he brought down my self esteem lower then it already is. and now everytime i see him i think of him looking at his porn and i dont want him to touch me or anything. im just asking how do i get over it and look past it? i know a lot of people are saying wow thats a really stupid reason to get mad at someone he is a guy. but i told him i dont approve of it in the beginning its what i believe in that its not right. so please dont wright rude things. i feel as if im not good enough for him and to top it all off he told me the reason he looked at it was because i broke up with him and he was in the mood... but the whole time we were broken up which was for three days he was trying to get me back..so he was sitting there looking at it while trying to be with me. which just disgusts me. any advice on how to just move on from this? i just keep thinking about it and it makes me feel horrible. like i said please no guys saying "he is a dude get over it" because i know all of this. thank you.
View related questions:
broke up, in the mood, jealous, move on, porn, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): Do you know for a fact that you looking at porn would bother your BF just as much as it bothers you when he does it?
I have no doubt that you showing interest in other real live men would piss him off. But when it comes to porn I think a lot of women project their own feelings onto men and take it for granted that their man would get every bit as hurt as they are. That's not always the case. Even if it does bother your BF you might find that it bothers him less than you assume it would.
I'm not saying that fixes the whole situation. I'm just pointing out that he may not be such a hypocrite as everyone assumes him to be.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (31 March 2011):
 Because he's a big hypocrite, that's why. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Meaning he expects you to be utterly and completely devoted to him and to know you only have eyes for him, while not planning on adhering to this strict mental monogamy as well. If he can't realize how ridiculous it is for him to look at porn while you can't, then he's not the kind of person worth being in a relationship with. Men and women are about equally visually stimulated and both have physical needs. It's not a guy thing, it's a double standard created to excuse bad behavior.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): You said he's a jealous person, and that he'd hate it if you looked at porn, so try looking at it and purposely (but without being to obvious) leave it for him to find. Like for example, you could just google up some "hot" naked men and leave it in the browser history. You don't have to actually look at it, the point is to make him think you did. Sounds childish, I know, but maybe he'll lay off a bit once he knows how it feels. If that doesn't work, then I say dump him and start dating a woman. That's the best advice I got for ya. Why? Because in order to be with someone who doesn't watch porn, you'd have to be with a woman. Sure, you're gonna meet plenty of men who say they don't watch porn, but guess what? They do. In fact, in my experiences, the ones who don't admit to it are the ones who do it the most. I don't know anything about your man, but I can still tell you everything you need to know about him regarding porn:1.) He didn't just do it that one time, that's total bull. He just said that to make you feel better, plain and simple.2.) He did get hard, and he jerked off to it.3.) He'll promise he won't do it again, but he will.4.) The more you try to stop him, the more he'll want to.5.) It doesn't matter how much you have sex with him, he'll still do it. 5.) Lastly, and most importantly, it has nothing to do with you, and especially not with how you look. Trust me on this. Every last man I've ever been with has watched porn (and fairly often), and I'm one of the most beautiful women I know. I dare say I'm hotter than a lot of porn stars, because for one thing, my perfect body is God-given and not surgically enhanced. No man has ever complained about the way I look, (in fact quite the opposite), BUT that still didn't stop them from jerking off to the sluts with fake boobs and surgically altered vaginas in porn. So bottom line, try not to feel inadequate.Oh, just one more thing I feel I should tell you. I've been so much happier since I switched over to women. Just throwin' it out there...
...............................
A
female
reader, d'writer  +, writes (27 March 2011):
 Generally, men admit they are "pigs".I caught my bf having an account in a porn site, too, but his membership in that porn site is way before he met me. I confronted him and he deleted his account there.Lately I found out that he accepted 2 women as his friends on his live messenger list. These two women are members of a porn site. I confronted him again, and as usual, he deleted them and told me they requested him to add them on his list so he just added them. See? men have their own way to make us believe.I can relate with your feeling, if you can't take it anymore then go out of the relationship. If you can't and he still wants to pursue you then it's high time to make your rule with him - no porn or else goodbye for good!
...............................
|
