A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I always follow my heart, no matter what.I was traveling far from home and met a marine that was stationed where I was visiting. I saw the wedding band on his finger right away, but we both were alone so we talked and kept each other company. I knew immediately that our chemistry was not just a friends chemistry, and the more we talked the more we found out we had a lot in common, even the same birthday. We made plans to go visit a historical site togther, I went back to another city where I was staying, and then he called and told me the government had changed his schedule and he couldn't go anymore. We talked a bit more and he admittied that he was a little thankful that I didn't come back because he had never before cheated on his wife of 16 years and that would have made things complicated for him, because he was already contemplating divorce but stayed for his little girls. We never thought we were going to see each other again, so he just opened up and told me everything. But by a fluke I ended up back in his city one night. I told him it was one thing for me to be a prick tease another thing for me to be a home wrecker, and I couldn't forget he told me that he was thankful things had ended were they did before. He said he did not love his wife and there was no home to wreck, finally he kissed me, and the rest is history.Now I am home, and he is home, we live a few states apart, but he calls me from his office and I am completely in love with him, and I have never told him that. I want to but I am afraid of what it might mean, I have everything to gain and everything to lose. He has called me his girlfriend, has talked about how much he likes me, and the connection we have, hes been saying he thought about giving this up but he liked me too much and couldn't do it, he started to see a psychologist and he says he is confused and I don't want to add any pressure on him, (he has also just started to deal with his post-tramatic stress, which was more or less a result of being with me, he finally felt he could trust someone enough to share those scary experinces with) but it hurts not being able to tell him I love him. I also have never said anything about him leaving her, or that I think him staying unhappy for the kids is crap (which it really is, it does more harm to the kids staying in bad marriage then any temporary hurt from leaving, even if they act differently infront of the kids, the kids will know).Do you think I should tell him my feelings? and which ones? Should I tell him that I want him to be happy and not mention the love? or tell him I love him? or tell him I don't think he is making a wise choice for his daughters? and forget the rest? ahhhh it's so hard trying to hold back how I feel. I just want to cry all the time, this man is my soulmate, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He feels like home, like I finally found my home, right there in his arms.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): If this guy was truly your soulmate, then he wouldn't be married!! Romantic destiny and fate that comes from an honest place in the universe, God, whatever, don't play that way....Also, HE said that HE does not love his wife, and HE said that there is no home to wreck - I wonder if his WIFE would agree with that?!Remember, if he can cheat on his wife, he can do it to you someday too. Don't think you are magically so special that you are exempt from that. Also remember: Karma is a b**** and you don't want to meet up with her later!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): Please dear get out of this attraction or relationship at once.Guys are this way.If he had told you he was happily married and the poor wife doesn't know a bird from bee would you have had an affair with him?you know only one side of the story.Have you ever even thought the wife has another side of the story that might lend a new perspective?He was lonely,he fed you bull and he had his way with you.sounds archaic but the plain truth.Lets say this guy leaves his wife how can you be sure that tomorrow another girl won't be writing in dear cupid saying you are the worst of women and she wants to console this guy?It takes a wife to understand how the wife will feel if she comes to know of this.Every marriage has its own issues and utterly solvable by husband and wife.Please do not add to their problems
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): all i do is think about him and his kids
but here i was trying to take care of my feelings, because i am in this i need help, trying to hold back is hurting me
but no i don't care about his scum of a wife who hates him, i have no sympathy, she made her bed now she is lying in it. and yeah that goes with us too.
no one has bothered to answer my question, i am in this and i want help with what i asked, not adive on our relationship, i gave backgorund because it was needed to understnad not so people would tell me to get out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): Reminding you that you don't know about guns??? This is NOT about guns. This IS about that family he goes home to. The post I made about that has nothing to do with YOU. I was painting a picture for you of HER and what HER day to day life is like as Marine Corps wife. I was trying to help you see that SHE is a living breathing person with feelings and a life that she SHARES with him. The life of a military spouse is difficult and therefore she should get more respect than what you two are doing behind her back. As far as putting you down, what use would it be to tell you that it disgusts me that every word out of your mouth is about yourself as if there aren't other people's feelings involved (namely the two little girls who call him Daddy). The fact that I think your choices are immature, self-centered and selfish or that I have no respect for a man who keeps a wife and kids at home and has a "girlfriend" while he wears a wedding band. Yeah, I could have said that, but what's the point? The issue at hand was the question that you posed on this forum. My answer to you was that you should cut your losses before he takes the scraps and remnants of your broken heart and uses them to patch up his marriage. Perhaps you are so defensive because the truth stings. Whatever it is, its your problem, not ours. People here are just trying to tell you that there is no self respect in settling for sloppy seconds. If "living with every ounce of pain" he serves you is the way you want to live your life, that's your business. Good luck with that. The wife and kids are the victims in this Jerry Springer episode. Not you. You took the stance of poor pitiful me and asked for advice and because the general consensus isn't, "Yeah, forge ahead with aiding in the bust up of a marriage" you get upset. Well sorry. I stated my opinion, gave you my advice,but I'm not wasting anymore time debating with you. Goodbye.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): i am already well aware of how lonely the rest of my life is going to be and i am on a trainwreck, moral people hate me, he and i both are moral people, we know this is horrible of us.
don't pretend like your not putting me down, its just passively aggresive reminding how i don't know about guns instead of yelling slut, whore, homewrcking bitch or anything else at me.
i was asking for opinions about giving him more time to be confused or telling him how i felt about a variety of things. don't tell me to leave its not going to happen, i would rather spend a half life with him, then fake it with someone i won't love.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): OK, let me get this straight. When you read my post, you thought I was comparing my relationship to yours? I don't see that in my post. The only comparison between them would be the uniform that which your married-with-two-kids lover wears. May I remind you that YOU posted here ASKING for opinions and that may mean hearing something that you just don't want to hear. I think you are missing the point that the other person and myself were making. We aren't simply "scolding" you. We are trying to warn you of the impending train wreck around the curve. Of course you don't need mine or anyone else's permission, BUT you DID ask for advice. No one here with experience in life or with any morals would encourage you down the road you're headed. The point I'm trying to make to you is that while you are where you live, missing him and wanting to be with him, he is at home with his wife. She's having the relationship with him and you're off on the side playing second best,sitting there waiting on his phone calls from the company office. He's not leaving her or he already would have. That's a lonely life for you to live, don't you think? No one here is attacking you. They're telling you that you are selling yourself short.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): you honestly think i tricked him into this, that i am scum of the earth. it was more than a week between when i met him and when HE KISSED ME, and when he was kissing me i was telling him how he was married! he had plenty of time to turn around. and it was a fluke, i don't read sandscript and got on the wrong bus! and he had been begging me to come back the entire time i was gone. i did not want to fall in love with him! but it happened! your scolding me because he is a marine, don't put your relationship into ours, just because they are both marines doesn't mean anything between your relationship and mine. and i am not asking your premesion, and his wife is not a good person (he asked her 2 yrs ago to go to marriage counseling and refused to go, she doesn't give a shit, 10 years she has been abusing him). and i was asking wheather or not i should tell how i feel about different things or give him more time to be confused!?
i love this man and would go to the end of the earth for him! i would give my life if it meant he was happy! and i mean absolutely every word of that. i will never leave him, he could stayed married for the rest of his life, and i would always be there for him on the side, if thats what it meant. i don't care what terrible hurt it brings me to saty with him, i will take every once of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): I have already responded to this post, but after coming across it again and reading it carefully this time, I feel compelled to further comment. Wake up and smell the stench of BS. "The government changed his schedule"--laughing my ass off over here at that one. I bet he tells you that he is going in the field for an extended period too! That's a common excuse. He calls you from the office? How big of him. But who helps him out of his cammies at the end of the day? Who lies in bed with him at night? Oh,perhaps the woman he's married to. The one who bore his children and dried their eyes when he was overseas. The one who stood crying in a parking lot with the other wives each time the buses took them away on deployments to Oki, on floats to Italy, or worse...to combat. The one who had his back and watched with pride as he climbed in rank over the years. The one who has accepted the Corps and is as much of a Marine in her heart as he is because it's the center of his world. The one who lie in bed at night crying and praying that her husband, the man that she loves, the father of her children made it home safely to her. The woman who is ALL girl for her man, but could tell you the difference between a M107 50 cal, a M240 machine gun or a M14 rifle. The list is long and I could keep going, but I will stop there by saying that likely you are nothing more than a skirt to this man. This may sound harsh, but having spent a great deal of my life aboard CLMCB, this story is all too familiar. I must give you a friendly warning though. You better hope like hell that his wife doesn't find out because if you think a Marine is a fighting machine, just tell a Marine wife that you have slept with her husband! But on a serious note, and in all sincerity, he is doing his wife and kids dirty and without honor. You are also at high risk for having your own heart broken. You should cut ties and walk away for your own sake if not for his children that are involved.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): As the wife of a former Marine, I can speak from experience of the hardships that a Marine wife deals with. The wife has sacrified MORE THAN YOU COULD IMAGINE, as it is the duty of a military spouse. Now the man that put a ring on her finger, and the man that she has stood behind through all the deployments and all the stress that he brings home to her that comes with being a US Marine is sleeping with you. Sorry, but SHE has my sympathy. I'm not saying this to be cruel to you, but that Marine should have the integrity and the bearing to leave the wife before he started a relationship with you. But he sounds like one of the Marines who do not carry themselves with the moral code that is expected of them, and the majority of the Marines I have known who did this same thing, were looking for a piece of ass on the side and never leave the wife and kids. You are likely looking at heartbreak on your horizon. You should cut your losses. Besides honey, I don't know what installation you're visiting, but here at Lejeune, there are thousands of single Marines crammed in this town all on the prowl for a single woman. Why not find one that doesn't already have a family?
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