A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, my problem started when I fell for my best friend. It's the typical cliche story. Though, he treats me horribly and I can't seem to tell him where to go. The past two years I've been dealing with depression, paranoia, anxiety and going to couselling. He didn't really help me through, but because I'd been let down so much in the past by family members, I didn't let it bother me. The other week he found out I have feelings for him (have done since February) and basically said he wanted nothing like that happening. I wasn't so upset, I'd seen it coming. Now there's this other guy who's been there for about a month, I really feel nothing for him whatsoever but he tells me that he's really falling for me. I don't mean to lead him on but when he says things like 'you wouldn't dare be with me', I feel guilty and can't agree that I wouldn't. I'm too fixed on my friend. Anyway, this guy is constantly texting me and messaging me. And all he talks about is sex and how amazing I am. It's possibly the most attention I've had of a guy. He wants too meet up and I know that if I do I'll cave and have sex. I know me and I know that right now I'm craving for some attention of guys. I just want to be loved in some way. This guy has serious anger problems too, whenever I say something that sounds like I'm turning him down he gets pissed off and tells me what a horrible person I am. Which I know I am, but I don't need reminding. He'll apologize, but I'm scared to say anything. There's a chance I'll bump into him at a concert in the near future. Basically, what do I say to get him to move on from me? I just need something hard hitting and that will make him move on without a second thought. Is that even possible?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (1 August 2009):
 "I have a lot going on, so stop contacting me."
Reading this, I'm worried about the direction your going into. Truthfully, you don't need a boyfriend right now, especially not one who treats you bad. You have some major things to work through. Going to counseling and having these guys treat you like crap is like giving an alcoholic alcohol to keep them in the place their seeking treatment to get out of.
The symptoms you stated, at your age, you don't need these guys. The problem is, dating them + your past can really create long term mental problems, that you won't want to deal with. At least, saying you need attention, guys won't want to deal with the problems either.
You are also not obligated to have sex with anyone. You don't owe him anything. Attached to depression, paranoia, anxiety, I just want to be loved in some way and I'm craving for some attention of guys, includes sex as a way of self medicating through these issues. This is an abnormal way of having sex when seeking attention. Focus on counseling now, later you'll have plenty of time for the other.
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