A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:The boyfriend, who is over 24, won't tell me when he's angry. I didn't even know he was mad about something until he snapped at me over it a week later face to face, and even cursed some, instead of telling me sooner. I'm not sure how to handle this, or if I even should. We've talked about communication issues before, but nothing is changing. Now what? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): Well, my bf was exactly the same with your bf. He would not tell me anything, and when we fought, he brought all of things that I made him mad out and talked about it. He cursed at those times like that too.
I felt very trouble and tired too. However, when we are happy, I would talk to him nicely how communication make relationship improves and last longer. I need him to tell me what flaw that I have. I also told him how I wish to have a respected relationship instead of two people cursing at each other. Of course you can't expect him to change so soon, but be patience, if he loves you, he will change for you. However, if you has any fault, you need to change yourself too, so he will learn from you and change for you.
So the next time if he is still like that, I will said, I change myself for you, can't you do the same for my sake? Do you love me? Do you want our relationship last long? We need two people to work this out, not only me. Talk softly and make him calm down, don't yell back.
I hope this method help you, since it helps my relationship. We will get married at the end of this year, and now my finance stop cursing and tell me when he is upset, that way I can say sorry and get over with it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2011): you should ask him to tell you sooner if he's mad at you rather than bottling it up inside until he can't anymore and suddenly exploding, it's not fair to you because you're not a mind-reader, you can't know he's angry or why and to do something different unless he tells you.you also should ask him if there's something that you're doing that makes him decide to keep his anger to himself rather than tell you sooner. were there times in the past when you over reacted or punished him by with holding love if he told you he was angry so maybe he felt that it was better not to express anger (but then the downside is that it gets bottled up until he can't hold it back anymore and it comes out anyway).
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