A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey all,I have a question regarding a work situation and a guy. There is a guy at work, he is new to the job but is very confident and talkative. I thought at first it was great that someone near my age had joined, and that we could have a laugh at work etc.However it quickly became evident that he sees me as a potential office fling. I am in a long term relationship, he is single- or so he tells me- I found out today that he told everyone else he has a girlfriend. I love my boyfriend very much, and I am neither interested in this guy, or the cheating type. He says inappropriate things to me, sexual advances. My friends at work have all been talking about my boyfriend a lot so he gets the message, they noticed he was flirting before I even mentioned it. It is very obvious to anyone who hears him he is trying his luck. I made it very clear that my boyfriend means everything to me etc. etc. but it made NO difference, he hasn't stopped. He even said to me that he is the type of person that loves a challenge, while looking straight at me after a particularly inapropriate and flirty comment. It is starting to make me feel really uneasy at work, how should I make him stop and realise I am a) off limits and b) not wanting his gross sexual comments. I would elaborate on what he says to me, but I am not wanting to offend. Seriously I am no prude, but the things he says are out of line, and make me feel really uncomfortable. Thanks in advance for your helps guys... seriously I need it! X
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for helping everyone, your responses have been really helpful and confirmed that I am not over reacting.
At first I just frowned and walked off when he said these things, but now I'm going to adress it like you guys said, and if he doesn't stop then i'll just have to report it.
Thanks again everyone, you've helped a lot to give me the confidence to deal with this guy :D X
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): Sexual harassment, report him to the boss.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): I think virtually every office has at least one of these guys. Most men try this in spite of a woman having a boyfriend, so I would just get over the surprise of his bravado on this one.
The reason he does it is because he thinks you like it. He is interpreting your response as a green light to continue. Regardless of your efforts, it's his perception of you that keeps him going.
The way to draw the line is to catch it at the moment it happens. Interrupt him, don't wait for him to finish, interrupt him to make a statement of no tolerance, then quietly and kindly say, without smiling, "Stop. Don't do that. No more of that." And then, only accept a submission. Do not tolerate him being defensive, or more aggressive, only accept him acknowledging he heard you, and any signal he agrees to stop. If he doesn't indicate he understands by stopping in that moment, he may be defensive or act more playful or pursue you again. That is when you restate yourself, "Don't do that." and go on your way.
The true power of your efforts comes through after that moment, when you: 1. Act like you never had to say that, 2. Only talk to him in a friendly manner and about business.
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A
female
reader, jc82  +, writes (12 February 2010):
 I would tell him ONCE that he has two choices: he can back off and leave you alone, or he can continue his pursuit and be reported to your superiors for sexual harassment. And after that if he says one more inappropriate thing, turn him in. He should be turned in anyway. There is a big difference between annoying and aggressive, and if you are compelled to seek advice on how to get rid of this jerk, then he has probably crossed the line from annoying to aggressive. It will be hard for you stop him on your own though, you will most likely have to report him to get him to stop. He needs to learn to behave appropriately at work. In the end, you would be doing him a favor by allowing him to learn this lesson sooner rather than later.
Good luck.
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