A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi i was just wonderin... my boyfriend has mental problems of which are how serious i dnt really know. he is not a very emotional person which means he is usually angry or happy (thats about it) and i know he loves me very much. but he just doesnt open up to me at all. i thought a girlfriend was the one to be able to calm and sooth their partner. but this is something i cant do for him because he wont allow me too. He has medication from the Doc that he wont take and is mostly very depressed even though i go out of my way to extra nice things for him. but this just doesnt seem to help. i even asked him to marry me at xmas after nearly 10 yrs together and he shot me down. i love him so much and am so very worried about him. we live each other dearly and know we will be together for years to come but how do i get through to him when all he does is bottle up his emotions and isnt a very openly emotional person like me? He wont even open up to his best mate for yrs?
View related questions:
depressed, mental problems Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi just an update. he has bi-polar and now im faced with how to get him to to take his meds. he is on citalopram but yo-yo's with it. how do i support him with it when i dont know what it is? People always say never google it but he doesnt want to talk about it. i always tell him if he wants to talk im here but if you dont thats ok too. so im not pressuring him but at the same time feel so helpless and lost as to what to do.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 February 2013):
 You can’t fix him. He has to want to fix himself. Part of that is taking his medication properly. He has to want to get better and that’s scary if all he has ever known is illness. Depression is very debilitating and overwhelming.
Being nice to someone who is chronically and clinically depressed will not make them better. It won’t help them at all. Their chemicals are out of balance and need to be fixed. Medication is usually the best way to do that. Sadly if he won’t take his medication there is not much you can do.
So now at the young age of 25 having been with this person for nearly a decade you have a big hard decision to make.
Clearly you are unhappy with how things are. What do you want to do about it?
Do you want to stay with a depressed man who is so paralyzed by his illness that he does not even try to get better.
Or do you want more for your life than forever being saddled with this albatross around your neck?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): To begin with I'm a mental health nurse, though I cannot confirm a diagnosis over the net, I can say from what you have posted its more than likely your bf is bipolar (get some information for yourself to understand and support him) Secondly, There are several (related) reasons why he may not be taking his medication. These range from 'just forgetting' to consciously deciding to stop.Having to take tablets and deal with side effects, such as putting on weight, as well as, on some occasions, worsening physical symptoms, may make him feel different from other people. This in turn could sometimes make him became more miserable or depressed ('Feelings and emotions will be all over the place') and he may ask himself 'Why do I have to take tablets?' Due to him yo-yoing of and on these meds, he may not see the actual benefits of their treatments and may feel that he can manage without the medications - however as your well aware the truth is, he cannot . He is moody angry then happy and sweetie you can not walk around on egg shells for him.. If you continue to stay with him like this your enabling him to continue to be as he is...My advice would be to sit down and say to him that you want to support him, but that his behaviour and attitude is not allowing you do that . He needs to make an immediate appointment with him gp and you wish to attend with him .. You need to look at the reality of what a future with him, like this would be.. Then do all you can to persuade him to get this appointment. if you can't, then maybe it's time to seriously consider walking away for a while.. To see if that has any impact as staying with him you are basically saying, it's okey for you to have these moods.. And who knows the consequences that may bring .Talk this out, even talk to one of his family members If need be.. Does he have a CPN ? If he does and you have his or her number, give them a call .Take extra care sweetie, getting angry especially if it's recurrent behaviour isn't good..Lou x
...............................
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (22 February 2013):
I can appreciate this is a very difficult situation for you and very hard to handle.Maybe it would be a good idea to find out the name of his illness that way you could become better imformed and ask a doctors advise as the best way to handle the situatio.Your boyfriend is very lucky to have such a caring girlfriend,Best Luck .Nora B.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): Honestly I think the best way you can help him is to break up with him and tell him it's because he is not giving to this relationship only taking.
People don't change unless they suffer enough consequences of staying the way they are, such as losing a relationship that was important to them. Then again you might be under the wrong impression of just how important you are to him. You might find that even breaking up with him doesn't motivate him to change in which case you know that nothing you could do while staying with him would either. At some point you have to leave him to his own life and his own misery especially when he is already shutting you out anyway.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): After 10 years together this is how it is going to be and you will just have to accept it if you want to stay as his girlfriend. You cannot make someone get better or get through to them especially not if it has already been so long. You can examine if you have been enabling him and thus stop and that might create some change in him later down the road, not guaranteed but is better chance than nothing.
You should also re-evaluate what YOU want from your life assuming he never changes. You cannot live your life for someone else or live for a future that realistically may never come.
...............................
|
