A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 29 and been with my boyfriend which is 37 for eight years. He says he wants to get married but he keeps giving me all kinds of excuses. Also we haven't had sexual relationship in four years. He knows it hurts my feelings. He tells me its because he has absolutly no desire. He has given me other excuses also. Medication, stressful jobs, family issues.I truly thought I wanted to be with him forever but now I have doubts. I had broken up with him for a year but we got back together because we have so much fun together, and we have a lot in common. He is one of the most kind people I have ever met. Recently I started hanging out with another guy that is going to give me everything I want in a relationship. I want to be with him instead,but I do love my boyfriend. I do not want to hurt him because I hurt him so bad when I broke up with him before. He told me that if I ever break up with him again he will hate me. I don't know what to do.
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broke up, got back together, no desire Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell I took everyones advice and moved on with this new guy and I don't think I have ever been happier. I met his Grandparents and Son today and it was wonderful. I felt like part of the family already. Thank you everyone for the great advice. It changed my life.
A
female
reader, Saz666UK  +, writes (23 March 2008):
tell him your at a stage in your life where you want to start settiling down and as for desires YOU still have them regardless of this 4 years is a long time.You may have hurt him breaking up in the past but he is hurting you now and it just seems like he is string you along hunny xx hope i helped in some way xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): Just tell him you want the full package, and don't think you could be happy or not have regrets later if you settle for less now. He should understand this, and maybe that is all it will take for him to open up, at least get good conversation going to the point that he opens up and expresses feelings that you both can deal with together, or you move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I think everyone agree's that he is not the one for me.Its just so difficult to walk away from a friendship and also knowing I have hurt him. I just needed to know what other people think of this situation. All of the answers have helped tremendously. It gives me strength to do what my heart is telling me to do.
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Maybe he is scared of commitment, but I think that you deserve better. Choose number two.
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male
reader, Paladin +, writes (20 March 2008):
 The only real issue here whether or not your old boyfriend will hate you and I doubt that will happen. You already know you need to move so there is no point in discussing that. Your old boyfriend has to know the importance of having a meaningful sexual relationship, If he doesn't he's an idiot and it doesn't sound like he is from what you say.. I would understand it if there were some medical issues here but since is not the case you are left with very sad choices. By the way if you are interested in helping him you might want to suggest he see a doctor and be tested. It could be that his testosterone levels are down and that could be easily corrected with medication. He might not even realize he has this condition. In either case he has to care about you enough to do what needs to be done if he truly cares about a relationship with you. If your completely done with him and still want to be friends I will guess that in time he will understand.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Eyeswideopen, baby duck, duskyrowe, and Tellulah are all right on. The no sex for four years has me thinking that maybe there's another consideration here, and that is his sexuality. Could it be that he's closeted gay and needs you as his cover? I'm not saying this is the case here, but perhaps something to take into consideration. He's 37 and should still be interested in having sex unless there's a medical issue...
All the best!
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (20 March 2008):
 I couldnt agree more.
You need to move on, and find love with someone else. The relationship you have at the moment is more or less like brother and sister. You are 29 years old, do you really want to be in a relationship like this. He is not the right man for you honey.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (20 March 2008):
 I think you should leave this guy as he does not offer you any stability whatsoever. So what if he hates you for it, don't let this jerk manipulate you my dear.
What would you rather have a guy who gives you love 100% or a guy who makes you feel unwanted and unattractive?
I think Guy number two would be the obvious choice, he has already showed you that he can be a potential partner. What have you got to lose? I don't think he is giving the love that you deserve and if I was you I would not stay in a loveless and sexless relationship. You have needs like any other young woman has and it is clear he will never fulfill them even if you guys did get married.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Better to be hated far away, then to live your life in misery.
I think it is clear he has no intention to improve the situation, just complains. If he at least talked with you about his problems and asked for support, such as what is the best conditions for sex, how to get you into the mood.
For stress from work, he should consider a different job. I'm still reeling from a bad job, my wife got me to stay 2 years longer then I wanted to, now I'm burn out and do whatever is possible not to work. It takes allot of motivation to get me to do anything. Either he allows you in or you walk out the door.
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female
reader, tebuny +, writes (20 March 2008):
girl, he is not marrying you. dont wait for him to come home one day or email you or tell you on the phone that he's inlove with someone else or that he's scared of committment, or he doesnt feel the spark. OOOOR if thats not the case, tell him he doesnt have to get you a ring, its material, what u want is him. unless you want the ring and you're willing to wait for him to get the ring. and if that doesnt work and u dont care if he likes u or not, get on your knees and ask him to marry you or threaten him with a knife to him genitals. he might give in u know... well ok i guess this is serious so let me be serious. he might not want you, he might not have enough money to buy a ring and he wants to make this special for you and hopes you'd wait for him patiently to get it together, and h might be scared of the idea of marriage right now. i dont know which it is, u might. but one advise from my experience,if he has EVER said he doesnt feel the way you do, i mean ever, back off while you can...
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 March 2008):
 I'd just tell him you want to move on, it's not like you are married or anything. Be kind but firm. He'll get over the hurt. Then you can start a new romance with the guy that apparently has much more to offer you.
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