A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What to do about a b/f that won't let go of his "ex"? I feel like I'm always living in her shadow, a continual ghost who still walks amongst us and he gets mad when I make references to her (usually during a fight) yet I know it's because I see the pattern in his behavior that makes me realize he's still holding onto her. What makes a man hold onto the love he carries for someone who doesn't care for him? It's been 8 years and I still find photos tucked into his wallet, or in secret places on his computer so he can reminisce about her. He seems to only want to remember the good (if there was any). She was a horrible person, the type who uses people and then throws them away. He doesn't see the pattern, therefore it never changes. He says, "Why do you keep bringing up my ex everytime we fight?" and I say, "because I'm sick of finding her pictures tucked into your wallet like a special treasure." Put them in a box and live in the present! Am I wrong for feeling like this?....He says I'm jealous, maybe so but wouldn't most people if they felt they were still competing with someone's past?
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female
reader, plaguedbyit  +, writes (20 August 2010):
I feel your pain, and its a heart ache for sure. Literally physical heart pain...going throught kinda the same but very different situation. Myin threw the pictures away, of the ex who played homewrecker in our relationship before. But he refuses to throw her away. Still a constant fight in our relationship. I got sucked in by him again tonight, I gave him an ultimadum...her or me...and he chose both...lmao, we are still together. I am his sucker. One day...I'll find the strength to realize the honest truth and get him out of my life. Don't know why I can't just do it, but I do know I deserve a man who loves ME...and isn't holding onto something that may ruin us, yet again. Is he worth keeping? Ask yourself? Seriously at this point and time in your life, is he worth any of the pain you are suffering from? If your pros outweigh the cons...seriously make a list on paper and weight them out...keep him around for YOUR benefit. And if the cons outweigh the pros...get yourself together as strong as you possibly can and move on, you deserve good things in life! My prayers are with you...and I'm sending you a virtual hug. I think I even want to cry for you, with you. Be strong. Write me if you'd like.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): i think you should just leave that guy, he doesn't deserve you, he just wants to waste your time.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 June 2010):
If you're finding secret photos tucked away all the time, and the most he has to say is that you're just jealous and doesn't do anything to help, then maybe this guy just isn't worth your time. You've been going out with this man for 8 years, and he still has hidden photos of a woman who he can't even see was using him. It just seems to me like you're fighting a losing battle with this man, who so clearly isn't over his ex. All he said was that you were jealous. He hasn't done a thing, not one thing to convince you that he's over her. Instead, he makes out that you're the bad person while he still keeps her photos. You're right. He could put them in a box in the attic or something. But he's not doing that. He's just not. And I think that the time has come for you to make a decision about whether you want to be with a man who 8 years on has photos of his ex hidden away all the time in his wallet and such.
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