A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been with boyfriend for around 2 years now, we don't officially live together as I look after my mum but I have a key and spend all my free time at his house!He was separated from his wife for 2 years before we started seeing each other, they have sold the marital home and live separate.The other month we was talking about getting married and starting a family and it was magical.A couple of days later I asked if he was going to ask her for a divorce he said he would. A week later still nothing, this went on for a few weeks, then I gave him an 2 week period as I was getting bored of the same old excuses. Then her dad fell ill and he said it wasn't the appropriate time which I fully understood, fast forward 2 months and still nothing. I asked him yesterday to speak to her and he was like "not this again" yet he wants us to have a baby? What should I do? I gave him an ultimatum, excuses, week after week it's " ill do it this week" I'm so hurt and confused, he says he doesn't love her and it's clear she doesn't love him, so why hold onto the past?
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female
reader, theesxmmi  +, writes (11 August 2014):
Leave him. If something so important to you and he puts aside, he's a loser. You don't deserve a married man like that. Find someone who isn't married and listens to your needs and actually fulfills your wishes. He's going to drag this on and on. I've been through this.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 August 2014):
 You write: "....I asked him yesterday to speak to her and he was like "not this again" yet he wants us to have a baby?
What should I do?"
You should keep your knees pressed tightly together... and tell "Mr Wonderful-but-not-available" that they (your knees) will stay like that until and unless he is AVAILABLE to father your children....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2014): I always note the age-group of the original poster before reading their comments. It gives me a feel and sense of their level of experience and maturity. A man who has not divorced his separated wife after two years is comfortable with his situation. He may "talk" of marriage; but he knows good and well that isn't going to happen until he is legally divorced.
He may just be holding out to see if she is going to change her mind, or he hasn't really gotten over his marriage. We only make excuses when we are avoiding punishment; or to deceive someone pressuring us.
Standby your resolve and make him follow through. I don't believe he really wants to marry again. I think he is only telling you what you want to hear. I think he doesn't want the finality of a divorce; because he feels he still has access to his marriage, should his wife has a turnabout.
He may also be avoiding the legal fees, and just feel content not to rock the boat.
Once you've had your fill of excuses; wish him well and farewell. No babies. That would be a mistake under these circumstances. He's probably talking bullsh*t anyway.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 August 2014):
 Have you asked him why?
From what you write it's more you asking him for action, not a reason.
I mean HER parents MUST know they don't live together. So I can't see why a divorce should be a big deal.
Maybe the reason he is still not divorced, is so that he can "play" single, and play fantasy house with you, without really having to FULLY commit to you. HE is happy with status quo. He will even add a child into this, knowing full well that you want marriage.
I know many people don't agree with this, BUT a separated man/woman IS NOT single. They are still TECHNICALLY married. And shouldn't be DATING till they ACTUALLY are single.
YOU gave him an ultimatum, BUT you didn't "keep" your end of it, as you are still there. I think he knows that you WANT to be with him and that you have SUCKED it up for 2 years, so it can't be that big of a deal (as per him).
Personally, I'd walk away, give him 6 months to divorce. IF he otherwise is worth "keeping". I would NOT have a child in this mess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2014): If he's not prepared to get a divorce after 2 years then you're wasting your time, doll. To be honest, if he wasn't divorced and only separated then, you probably shouldn't have gotten involved to begin with. But yes, take a back step, he's wasting your time.
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